2008 Darwin Awards

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

The Balloon Priest (Padre Baloneiro) 2008 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin "Priest Visits Boss" (20 April 2008, Atlantic Ocean) A Catholic priest recently ascended to heaven on a host of helium party balloons, paying homage to Lawn Chair Larry's aerial adventure. Larry (beloved survivor of a Darwin-worthy fiasco) attached 45 helium weather balloons to his lawnchair, packed a picnic lunch, and cut the tether--but instead of drifting above the Los Angeles landscape as planned, he was rocketed into LAX air traffic lanes by the lift of the weather balloons. Astoundingly, Larry survived the flight. [more] Adelir Antonio, 51, was not so lucky. His audacious attempt to set a world record for clustered balloon flight was intended to publicize his plan to build a spiritual rest stop for truckers. But, as truckers know, sitting for 19 hours in a lawn chair is not a trivial matter even in the comfort of your own backyard. The priest took numerous safety precautions, including wearing a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and a GPS. However, the late Adelir Antonio made a fatal mistake. He did not know how to use the GPS. The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land but chose not to. When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he finally phoned for help--but rescuers were unable to determine his location, since he could not use his GPS. He struggled with the unit as the charge on the satellite phone dwindled. Instead of a GPS, the priest let God be his guide, and God guided him straight to heaven. Bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and beaches. Ultimately the priest's body surfaced, confirming that he, like Elvis, had left the building. The kicker? It's a Double Darwin. Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. Since they voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool, the entire group earns a mass Darwin Award. Adelir Antonio wins twice over! ORIGINAL SUBMISSIONS: (1) (2) (3) DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2009 Submitted by: Marilia J, Davida Miller, Richard Moseley, and 20 more Reference: globo.com, Sydney Morning Herald, Associated Press, and numerous others Awful? 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Great? Hate it! Love it! Note from Darwin: "A hot air balloon is maneuvered by altering altitude. The wind direction changes, generally toward the right, as one ascends in the northern hemisphere. A skillful pilot uses altitude to shift the downwind track. (airborneballoons.co.uk) By comparison, a mass of individual balloons is completely at the mercy of the wind. The balloons used by the priest were described as party balloons, which are far more fragile than the weather balloons used by Lawn Chair Larry." Jonathan R Trappe describes himself as an Aeronaut and Cluster Balloon Flight Expert. He says, "Cluster Balloon Flight can be affordably yours!" Reader Comments: "Fly me to the moon!" "God's will be done!" "This is one for the 'believers'." "They did not teach aerodynamics at the seminary." "Don't get too carried away." "Chairway to Heaven?" "There but for the grace of Tecumseh..." "A story showing the danger of relying on GPS." "God Supports Darwin!" "Sorry about your loss. On a brighter side, you could have lost this guy..." "How many balloons do you think you'll be needing?" "Anyone you want to give balloons to?" "One way to heaven--or bust" "See what happens when you don't get laid enough?"

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