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Daily News.
May 31, 2017
The Evolution Revolution
Honoring Mother Nature
#YourDeathMatters

Homo sapiens sapiens
An Endangered Species?

DARWIN AWARD: Red Evolution

April 2017, RUSSIA || A Russian welder noticed how well a fire extinguisher fits into a howitzer! Inspired, he stuffed the fire extinguisher down the cannon barrel... BEST Darwin Award Winner of the Decade!

HONORABLE MENTION: 7200 Volts And A Dim Bulb

April 2017, South Carolina || After two weeks without hot water or refrigeration, a man attempted to restore electric power to his home. Illegally. While we feel sympathy for his situation, what happens when a powerless thief grabs a metal ladder and jumper cables...?

DARWIN AWARD WINNER! 503 Server Overload

April 2017, France || Locked in his bedroom by Mom, a French man leaves by climbing down the ethernet cable...

DARWIN AWARD WINNER! Air Strike Out

March 2017, Mexico || Standing on a truck on an airport runway, our Double-Darwin Award Winners Nitzia and Clarissa chose a regrettable location for a cell phone selfie...

One Way Ticket Out

March 2017, Germany | Blasting apart a train ticket machine was supposed to buy him a ticket to the good life, but instead the 31-year-old purchased passage in the opposite direction...

iPhone Shocker

Plug in your iPhone and drop it into your bath water, and suddenly coroners are demanding warning labels...

AT-RISK SURVIVOR: Unleaded At A Lead Fight

May 2016, Brazil | Pulling out a gun at an ethanol station? With 87% burns, you got "lucky" this time, but Evolution is keeping her eye on you...

DARWIN AWARD: #ElephantsWantPrivacy

February 2017, Zimbabwe | Three male humans, three male elephants, and a dream of a perfect wildlife selfie leads to the first 2017 Darwin Award! You don't have to outrun the elephant... you just have to outrun the other guy.

DARWIN AWARD: Soaked To The Bone In Yellowstone

June 2016, Wyoming | Colin Scott, 23, was enjoying a graduation vacation at Yellowstone National Park when the beautiful hot springs reminded him that he could use a good soak...

DARWIN AWARD FLASHBACK: A Proper Sendoff

2007, Australia | When you work as a diver on a pearl farm, there are many ways to 'buy the farm.' The head diver, known as Sharky, was not afraid to take risks to get the job done. Sharky was a loose gun in a company of cowboys...

HONORABLE MENTION: Rivers Go In Circles, Right?

July 2016, Michigan || Stupidity doesn't get worse than this. Three bikini-clad women were stranded on the banks of the Muskegon River with no food, no shelter, no clothing, when a river tubing excursion went 'Naked and Afraid'...

DARWIN AWARD: Case of the Charred Crook

November 2015, Croatia || In the journals of jurisprudence, stupid rises to a new level when a criminal in solitary confinement decides to whip out his contraband lighter. No you cannot make jail idiot-proof...

DARWIN AWARD: Crane Your Neck

December 2005, Colorado || "87 Days Without An Accident" the construction site sign proudly proclaimed, until the cold winter day acrobatic Mr. Ryan Young reset that count to zero. People get stir crazy in the cold dark days of winter...

DARWIN WINNER: Masturbator Meets Hard End

January 2016, Michigan || Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a porno flick screening on his mobile. It was not traffic he was trying to beat...

DARWIN AWARD: Her Sleep Number Was Up

September 2016, Virginia || Sidney Zelaya, 20, was riding a mattress on top of a van when both of them slipped off the vehicle. She was nominated for the notorious Darwin Award when it became apparent she was not going to bounce back from a bad case of bed head.

HONORABLE MENTION: Pokémon "Go Jump"

July 2016, California || Pokémon's unanticipated "Go Jump" feature is predicted to have a dwindling fan base. Two California men blindly followed app clues to a clue-less "75 to 100 foot" tumble down a crumbling ocean cliff with minor injuries, missing a full DARWIN. Falling For The Game...

THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO SEX.

MEN ARE MORE IDIOTIC THAN WOMEN. Scientific research on sex trends in the Darwin Awards shows striking asymmetry between the number of male and female winners. Thanks Ben Lendrem for your thorough analysis of [Idiots Trending on Darwin Awards.]

DARWIN AWARD: Banana Bandido

July 2014, Costa Rica || A banana plantation was the setting for a Friday evening robbery in Limón. Villegas, 30, lived in the same building as the farm's cafeteria before his fatal slip-up. He was in the process of (breaking into the cafe...)

Honorable Mentions

The HONORABLE MENTION is bestowed on survivors of blunders that flabbergast the rest of us. The judges point a finger at certain individuals who are up and coming in the competition to win a Darwin Award. Recent Honorable Mentions are Mr. Magnetron, and Marshmallow Mouth Gator Guy. The opposite of role models, these living legends are here on Earth to serve as a warning to others!

DARWIN AWARD: Striking It Rich (or, Shafted)

(1) A vodka-swilling pill-popping airline customer.
(2) A potted plant made of plastic.
(3) Airport security video showing the former climbing the latter.
And then came the elevator...

DOUBLE DARWIN AWARD! Some Finnish

MUSICAL THEME: "Boom boom out go the lights!" HINT: Two men collected over 100 frag grenades, bazookas, fuse materials and ammunition from the forests Lapland. (Find out what happened in Kemi, Finland...)

DARWIN AWARD: Crispy Copper Fries

May 2014, Arizona || The mummified remains of a man who was unexpectedly discovered in a Tucson manhole tell their own poignant story. The manhole was opened in May to investigate a (fluctuation in electrical power...)

Man Customizes Car Ignition Sequence To His Peril

(February 2014, United Kingdom) Scott McKimmie's purple Volkswagen Cabriolet would not be considered roadworthy by most people, but to a handy mechanic a flaw can be considered a security feature. ( Read on...)

Darwin Award: Resurrection FAIL

(17 September 2014, Pakistan) Two correspondents nominated the gullible acolyte who volunteered to be killed and resurrected by a holy man--and not a holy man who was experienced with the procedure, but a beginner who thought he'd give it a whirl! ("Religion did him in.)

DARWIN AWARD: Delhi Sandwich

(23 September 2014, India) Life of Pi, move over, Maqsood has a tale to tell. This 19-year-old factory worker joined a White tiger for lunch yesterday in the cat's Delhi zoo home. After being cautioned twice to not climb over the fence enclosing the tiger enclosure, Maqsood climbed over the fence a third time and then swam across the moat over to Tiger Island. ("India zoo gains a meal, loses a patron...")

DARWIN AWARD: Anchorman

(25 May 2014, Georgia) 18-year-old Chance Werner had recently graduated from high school and on the early hours of Sunday morning he was at Lake Allatoona celebrating with friends by playing the Shopping Cart Game. The Shopping Cart Game is evidently popular... (more)

LIVING DARWIN AWARD! The Thing Ring

(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, the Darwin Awards editors are releasing this ribald and unsavory event to the public to serve as a warning to adventurous amorous males. EYEWITNESS: "Being part of the emergency services, firemen were called to the A&E Department of a central London hospital to assist in removing a thing ring... (more)

DOUBLE DARWIN! Sports Training

(2 March 2014, Rotterdam, Netherlands) Two apparently intoxicated men dared each other to test their courage against an intercity train at a Rotterdam train station. At 1800 hours on a Sunday night, the station was crowded with more than 300 fans returning from a soccer-match pitting Feyenoord against Ajax at De Kuip, the most beautiful soccer stadium in Holland... (more)

NO DARWIN AWARD: "No Bull, No Bullets!"

3 August 2014, Chicago | NOT a Darwin Award winner: the accidental shooting death of a man who failed to prove that his gun had no bullets, when he pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Moderators have ruled this recent Illinois shooting death "too common" and lacking the creativity of a true Darwin Award. Sorry, Mr. Zyzanski (rawstory.com)

Hi! I am Wendy, Curator of the Darwin Awards, here with a PSA. Enjoy a browse in our Slush Pile. The Slush Pile is moderated by volunteers, and you and I owe them a round of drinks and fresh organic snacks. Check out the Slush Pile archives, Fountain from which the Darwin Awards are Fished.