February 27, 2017
The Evolution Revolution
Homo sapiens sapiens
An Endangered Species?
Michigan || Stupidity doesn't get worse than this. Three bikini-clad women were stranded on the banks of the Muskegon River with no food, no shelter, no clothing, when a river tubing excursion went 'Naked and Afraid'...
November 2015, Croatia || In the
journals of jurisprudence, stupid rises to a new level when a criminal in
solitary confinement decides to whip out his contraband
lighter. No you cannot make jail
December 2005, Colorado || "87 Days Without An Accident" the
construction site sign
proudly proclaimed, until the
cold winter day acrobatic Mr. Ryan Young reset that count to zero. People get stir crazy in the cold dark days of winter...
January 2016, Michigan || Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford
Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a
porno flick screening on his mobile. It was not traffic he was
trying to beat...
September 2016, Virginia || Sidney Zelaya, 20, was riding a mattress on top
of a van when both of them slipped off the vehicle. She was nominated for
the notorious Darwin Award when it became apparent she was not going to
bounce back from a bad case of bed head.
July 2016, California || Pokémon's unanticipated "Go Jump"
feature is predicted to have a dwindling fan base. Two California men
blindly followed app clues to a clue-less "75 to 100 foot" tumble down a
crumbling ocean cliff with minor injuries, missing a full DARWIN. Falling For
MEN ARE MORE IDIOTIC THAN WOMEN. Scientific research on sex trends in the
Darwin Awards shows striking asymmetry between the number of male and
female winners. Thanks Ben Lendrem for your thorough analysis of
[Idiots Trending on
July 2014, Costa Rica || A banana plantation was the setting for a Friday
evening robbery in Limón. Villegas, 30, lived in the same building
as the farm's cafeteria before his fatal slip-up. He was in the process of
(breaking into the cafe...)
The HONORABLE MENTION is bestowed on survivors of blunders that
flabbergast the rest of us. The judges point a finger at certain
individuals who are up and coming in the competition to win a Darwin Award.
Recent Honorable Mentions
are Mr. Magnetron, and
Marshmallow Mouth Gator Guy. The
opposite of role models, these living legends are here on Earth to serve as
a warning to others!
(1) A vodka-swilling pill-popping airline customer.
(2) A potted plant made of plastic.
(3) Airport security video showing the former climbing the latter.
And then came the elevator...
MUSICAL THEME: "Boom boom out go the lights!" HINT: Two men collected over
100 frag grenades, bazookas, fuse materials and ammunition from the forests
(Find out what happened in Kemi, Finland...)
May 2014, Arizona || The mummified remains of a man who was unexpectedly
discovered in a Tucson manhole tell their own poignant story. The manhole
was opened in May to investigate a
(fluctuation in electrical power...)
(February 2014, United Kingdom) Scott McKimmie's purple Volkswagen
Cabriolet would not be considered roadworthy by most people, but to a handy
mechanic a flaw can be considered a security feature.
( Read on...)
(17 September 2014, Pakistan) Two correspondents nominated the gullible
acolyte who volunteered to be killed and resurrected by a holy man--and not
a holy man who was experienced with the procedure, but a beginner who
thought he'd give it a whirl! ("Religion did him in.)
(23 September 2014, India) Life of Pi, move over, Maqsood has a tale
to tell. This 19-year-old factory worker joined a White tiger for lunch
yesterday in the cat's Delhi zoo home. After being cautioned twice to not
climb over the fence enclosing the tiger enclosure, Maqsood climbed over
the fence a third time and then swam across the moat over to Tiger
Island. ("India zoo gains a meal, loses a patron...")
(25 May 2014, Georgia) 18-year-old Chance Werner had recently graduated
from high school and on the early hours of Sunday morning he was at Lake
Allatoona celebrating with friends by playing the Shopping Cart Game. The
Shopping Cart Game is evidently popular...
(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, the Darwin Awards
editors are releasing this ribald and unsavory event to the public to serve
as a warning to adventurous amorous males. EYEWITNESS: "Being part of the
emergency services, firemen were called to the A&E Department of a central
London hospital to assist in removing a thing ring... (more)
(2 March 2014, Rotterdam, Netherlands) Two apparently intoxicated men dared
each other to test their courage against an intercity train at a Rotterdam
train station. At 1800 hours on a Sunday night, the station was crowded
with more than 300 fans returning from a soccer-match pitting Feyenoord
against Ajax at De Kuip, the most beautiful soccer stadium in
NO DARWIN AWARD: "No Bull, No Bullets!"
3 August 2014, Chicago | NOT a Darwin Award winner: the accidental shooting
death of a man who failed to prove that his gun had no bullets, when he
pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Moderators have ruled
this recent Illinois shooting death "too common" and lacking the creativity
of a true Darwin Award. Sorry, Mr. Zyzanski (rawstory.com)
Slush Pile Palooza
Hi! I'm Wendy, Curator of the Darwin Awards, here with a public service
message. Please enjoy a browse in our Slush Pile.
The Slush Pile is moderated by volunteers, and the fans and I owe them a
round of drinks and fresh popcorn. Check out the Slush Pile archives, the
fountain from which the Darwin Awards are fished.
Human Intelligence is MIA,
Evolve! Urges the ghost of Charles Darwin.
Darwin Awards: Extinction of Species.
"Clap, clap, clap."
Fave Crook Crapouts
1994 Darwin Award: Short Circuit
1999 Darwin Award: Good Trumps Evil at Church
2002 Darwin Award: Caveat Emptor
2007 Darwin Award: Descent of Man
2009 Darwin Award: Crushing Debt
2008 Darwin Award: On the Piste
2001 Darwin Award: God Saves?
2008 Darwin Award: Thou Shalt Not Steel
2009 Darwin Award: Sparkleberry Lane
2001 Darwin Award: Killing Time
1990 Darwin Award: Wrong Time, Wrong Place
2008 Darwin Award: Slippery When Wet
2007 Darwin Award: Support Group
2007 Darwin Award: Crutch, Meet Crotch
2005 Darwin Award: Kittie Toy
2002 Darwin Award: Chainsaw Insurance
2008 Darwin Award: Payback
2014 Darwin Award: Crispy Copper Fries
2002 Darwin Award: Faulty Aim Fatal
2000 Darwin Award: Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks
1990 Darwin Award: Tired Ammo
2006 Darwin Award: A Slow Burn
2007 Darwin Award: Four Great Ideas
2000 Darwin Award: Home Grown Chute