(November 2007, Russia) Late one night, Eduard entered the apartment of a
30-year-old handicapped man, who slept peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned
out the valuables. Eduard was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke
"I couldn't believe my eyes! The dark shape of some goon was standing next
to my nightstand!" recalls the burglary victim. "I cried out and he
attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists! I had no choice. I hit
him between the legs with my crutch, and he leapt out the window. Thank God I
live on the first floor, and he did not die from the fall.
"I didn't understand at first what had fallen out of his pants. When I
looked closer, I realized that it was a testicle, a man's testicle! I put
it in cold water, and rushed to the phone." The handicapped man dialed the
emergency services several times, but "the doctors hung up on me when I
told them I had ripped a burglar's balls off!"
Half an hour later, the blood-covered thief was found by a passerby, who
called the police. "An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk," said the
police investigator. "When the medics revived him, he started screaming
hysterically, 'Give me back my balls!'"
Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that doctors had to amputate the
entire scrotum to prevent gangrene. In the hospital, the burglar filed a
complaint against his victim. He said, "I will never forgive him!"
"That'll fix him."
"Crotchety old man."
"Something is missing..."
"How's it hangin'? Oh... sorry, man."
"In a really high-pitched voice: 'OH MY GOD!'"
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Submitted by: Mike Shurkin