2003 Darwin Awards

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

Sharp Landing 2003 Darwin Award Nominee Unconfirmed by Darwin (February 2003, East Timor) A man was found lying facedown, covered in mud and blood, the apparent victim of a street crime in Dili. It was not until a post mortem examination was conducted that U.N. police were able to reconstruct his last moments, based on an unusual discovery in his pants. Justin's Safety Tip: If you're ever stuck with a knife, DON'T PULL IT OUT! It will to be painful as heck, but it's acting as a plug for your wound. Pull it out and all you're left with is a hole ready to leak whatever's inside out. This up-and-coming young man decided it was cool to shove his weapons, two long knives, down the waistband of his trousers. Unsheathed. The hapless fellow jumped over a small fence and landed in a large puddle of mud. He slipped, which sent the blade of his "trouser knife" into his leg, severing his femoral artery. This has the same effect as cutting off the bottom of a paper cup filled with water. In thirty seconds, one loses enough blood to be rendered unconcious, with nearly complete blood loss within two minutes. He bled to death before he could stagger ten feet from the puddle. Reader comment: "Nearly a do-it-yourself briss (circumcision)." Related Stories: Personal Account: The Unkindest Cut of All Honorable Mention: Self-Protection DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2009 Submitted by: Captain Brett Clarke

Previous Next