"Does it really matter what these affectionate
people do, so long as they don't do it in the street
and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell
(3 March 2002, England) As Kim and Paul left the Sheffield pub, they
noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating a pool of darkness on
the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle --
consummate their relationship -- on the asphalt outside the pub. Witnesses
said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling.
The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their coital position not
once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a
pedestrian. An off-duty paramedic honked and shouted, "You want to get up,
otherwise you'll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the
paramedic heard a female laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and
drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn
them that another bus was headed their way.
Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the
approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the
undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was
unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud...
Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim
lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with
his trousers pulled down.
The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is
the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's irregular actions, and a
police investigator's statement that "to expect a driver to anticipate a
pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary," a judge fined him for
careless driving, and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately,
his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him
other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad
the driver had kept his job.
This tale surely answers the Beatles' question, "Why don't we do it in the road?"
DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2012
Submitted by: Cheryl-Ann Bernhardt, Q, C S Hill, Fran Dowd, Paul Roberts
Reference: The Sun Online, Daily Sport (UK), www.sundaytimes.co.za, Sheffield Star, www.yorkshiretv.com, Yorkshire Post