The Darwin Awards 
HOME
Darwin Awards
At-Risk Survivors
Slush Pile
1994 Darwins
Sizzling Scaffolding
Auto Blotto
Convince the Jury
Where's the Shoot? Where's the Chute?
Historic Darwins
Mortal Insult
Tired Ammo
Bottom of the Barrel
Absolutely Radiant
Risky Reenactment
Conquering the Arch
Cactus Crunch
Train of Thought
Catapult to Glory
Short Circuit
A Breathtaking View
Mile-High Club Failure
Kung Fu Lion
Military Intelligence
Antlers Ahoy!
"Hazard Befell Him"
Guitars 'n' Guns
Dry Spell
Junk Food Junkie
Electric Bathtub Blues
Samurai Astronomer
Physics Lesson
Gunpowder-Guy Fawkes
Other Darwin Years 
2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 2000 1999 1998 1997 1996 1995 1994 Vintage
 
~ Random Story ~
Email Alert!
NEW! Gift Shop
Rules  Search
Contact Darwin
Submit a Story
Philosophy Forum
Home

  

Darwin Awards
1994 Darwin Awards
Email a Friend Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it. Next Prev Random

Conquering the Arch
1994 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(22 November 1980, Missouri) The Gateway Arch soars 630 feet above the city of St. Louis. Around 9 a.m., a technician entering the park's interpretive center saw an object falling down the north leg of the arch. The object turned out to be Kenneth, 33, who was trying to impress his wife on her birthday.

His plan was to parachute onto the top of the arch. It didn't bother Kenneth that the park service had turned down his request for permission to jump. Kenneth had already made over 1,600 jumps. He knew what he was doing. And a true daredevil never needs permission.

The day dawned with howling winds and bitter cold. The weather would have given most parachutists second thoughts about making a jump. But Kenneth had psyched himself up by watching a documentary on parachute daredevils, and Kenneth knew what he was doing.

He left his wife a note asking her to come and photograph his triumph. At 8:55 a.m. he leapt from a light plane and soared successfully to the top of the monument. He had conquered the Gateway Arch, with his wife watching from the ground!

He grabbed onto the aircraft warning light, to steady himself against the raging wind. The first part of the plan had gone perfectly. Of course it had, Kenneth knew what he was doing. Now came the harder part: getting down.

The arch is hollow, with a viewing area inside, just beneath Kenneth's feet. Perhaps he was looking for a trap-door into the arch, but there was no trap-door. A gust of wind caught his deflated parachute and threw him off balance. He began sliding down the north leg of the arch. About halfway down, he tried to deploy his backup parachute, but it failed.

Another gust caught his parachute and blew him off the arch. He fell the rest of the way, landing head-first in the terrazzo below. He was pronounced dead at a local hospital about one hour after performing his last jump.

And that's what comes from thinking you know what you're doing. Reader Andy says, "Actually this story is older than 1980. I heard about it on a tour of the arch in the 1970s, and it was old then. The would-be parachutist hit the top of the arch at an angle, his chute collapsed, and when he tried to stand and release his chute, a gust of wind pulled him onto the slope. The chute collapsed again,and he left a crater. BUT, the story goes, if the Cardinals were playing a home game, he had a helluva view for a few seconds. Also, you can't fly under the arch, because of a semi-disasterous attempt to do so."

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2012
Submitted by: Peter Kastl
Reference: www.cr.nps.gov/history/online_books/jeff/adhi2-13.htm and personal accounts

Previous Directions Next

The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom

Keep yourself out of the gene pool!
A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item!
Friends don't let friends reproduce!
$13 for Pack of 4

 

 

HomeRulesFAQsAwardsSlushSite Map
DarwinAward | HonorableMention | PersonalAccount | UrbanLegend