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1999 Personal Accounts
| The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. |
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Fun with Forklifts
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A close friend relayed this story to me, so I'm sure it's true. If he knew I was writing this, he'd probably kick my butt.
Greg and his brother Jim were both employed a large warehouse in Louisiana. They often arranged to be the only employees working on Sunday, since weekend work was easy and they were in an expansive warehouse where they could goof off. They had a great time racing the trolleys around the warehouse floor. These trolleys are large, flat, self-propelled carts used to carry pallets around the warehouse. The operator stand between the controls and a backrest. Greg and Jim enjoyed racing on Sundays, but soon became bored with the floorplan. The warehouse was covered in large, industrial shelves. The first shelf was five feet off the floor, allowing items to be placed underneath. One fine afternoon, Greg decided to try something different. Instead of going around the shelves, he would drive under the empty ones; simply ducking when the shelf neared. His brother was watching from a distance as Greg started his fateful run. Greg took off with the intention of passing right under the shelf. However, he misjudged the distance and was not able to duck in time. The speeding cart slammed the shelf right into his chest, which would have been okay had there not been a backrest on the trolley. Greg was stunned and pinned against the shelf while the cart continued to push forward, slowly knocking the wind out of him. This kept Greg from yelling for help. His brother, thinking this had been a stunt, was laughing hard enough to make snot run out his nose. After a few minutes, Jim realized that Greg wasn't fooling around, and went over to help him out. By this time, Greg was ready to faint from oxygen deprivation. Greg and Jim are two potential Darwin Award winners. I'll be sure to keep you informed of their future exploits.
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Visit the Darwin Awards Giftshop Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest
Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.$15 The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is. Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head! 123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more. Autographed by Author! |
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