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1999 Personal Accounts
| The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. |
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Accident Waiting to Happen
 My good friend Chris has a friend we'll call S., an adult male with two children. I know S. but refuse to claim him as a friend, because it would reflect poorly on me. In fact, Chris is often embarrassed to admit S. is a friend.
Chris was hanging out with S. on the 4th of July a few years ago. They were shooting off illegal fireworks, which is not the point of the story. S. was allowing his kids to run around in bare feet while shooting off fireworks, which is also not the point. |
The real story is this: One of S.'s kids asked him if they had any more Killer Bees, a certain kind of firework. S. opened the paper grocery sack to check inside. He sees a jumble of unexploded fireworks, and can't tell one from another. So S. sparks up his butane lighter and sticks it, and his face, into the sack to see what's left. Chris grabbed the man's son and ran. But nothing happened. Someday something will, but inasmuch as S. has already bred, I fear that the real damage has already been done. |
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Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection
Hardback. 240 pages. Autographed.$15 A fresh collection of magnificent misadventures! Lust, Vanity, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath extract an evolutionary toll on the wicked. Salute the owner of an equipment training school who demonstrates the dangers of driving a forklift by failing to survive the filming of his own safety video. Witness the man who becomes a victim of his own strange passion for jumping into rivers. Heed the honest bricklayer who loses a battle of wits with 300 pounds of tools. This book includes more History of the Awards, Gordon's Law, and 10 discussions of evolution, including speciation and the role of verbal memes in civilization. Autographed by Author! |
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