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1999 Personal Accounts
| The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes deceased) readers. |
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Breaking the Law
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There was a girl at my high school, she wasn't the brightest girl. She was a troublemaker, got in hot water in school, generally she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. One day I remember she decided to cut out from school after first period. Students are just NOT supposed to do that; you'll get a three-day in-school suspension if you do. So she left school and broke into a man's trailerhome in the trailerpark a few miles away. She broke in, stole all the booze he had, got staggering drunk and decided to go skinny dipping in a private, man-made pond. Where she promptly drowned, no surprise there. On the bright side, in this way she managed to avoid a 3-day suspension. But look at all the laws she broke while proceeding about her death. She left school. That's one. She was also guilty of breaking and entering the trailer. That's two. She steals booze, drank booze underage, and trespassed. That's three, four and five. And to top it all off, skinny dipping in public equals indecent exposure. Six laws broken. What an idiot. She deserves a Darwin Award. |
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The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action
Hardback. 327 pages. Autographed.$15 185 Stories! In the ongoing saga of Survival of the Fittest, meet the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current! Marvel at the would-be pilot who suspends his lawnchair from helium balloons! Learn from the man who peers into a gas can using a cigarette lighter...! This book also includes a History of the Darwin Awards, Darwin Haiku, and a dozen humorous discussions of the implications of evolution, including the origin of idiots, and the role of testosterone. Autographed by Author! |
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