(1997, England) Unfortunately, I cannot confirm whether the following
individual's ability to procreate was permanently impaired after this
incident, but it certainly was for a while...
I was chatting with a farrier's apprentice (a farrier is a blacksmith who
shoes horses) whose boss was on a four-week leave of absence, claiming to
have pulled a muscle in his leg. His customers complained mightily, as
their horses' feet urgently needed attending to, and a backlog was piling
My friend -- who shall, like his boss, remain nameless to protect his
privacy -- informed me of the REAL reason his boss was off work, a truth
that he would not admit to his customers.
He had arranged a romantic weekend with his girlfriend, and had decided to
spice up the evening with chocolate body paint. The instructions on the jar
say to warm it in the microwave for a few seconds, but he misread the
directions and microwaved it on high for two minutes.
You know how a mother tests baby milk on the back of her hand, to make sure
it's not too hot? He didn't. He proceeded to pour the VERY hot chocolate
onto his privates without realizing, until it made contact, exactly how hot
it was. He suffered nasty burns, which gave him a John Wayne walk for
weeks, and almost certainly put him out of sexual action for longer than
"I've heard of 'blue balls' but not 'chocolate balls'."
"Romance gone horribly wrong..."
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