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The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. |
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(2002, Belgium) One night, I partied all night at a discotheque with
friends. Afterwards, we went to a "bar of the king" that was open day and
night. Such bars are known for housing thugs and pirates.
We, two men and two women, were sitting at a table drinking vodka and beer when a big, mean-looking man approached the table and started talking shit. He was so intoxicated that the collection of syllables he pronounced could hardly be classified as a language. The girls were annoyed by his presence, and -- typically -- tried to get rid of him by calling him names. In response, the man siezed an empty beer glass (in Belgium, a beer glass is as thick as a normal jar) and bit into it, breaking off a piece. This behavior is common in men who have unresolved frustration and need to show their courage, so we weren't impressed. But then the man started chewing the glass, and quickly bit off another chunk, chewing and biting until only the very bottom of the glass remained, which he put back on the table. We goggled at the man as he chewed the pieces, and we heard the glass cracking between his teeth. Some blood came out of his mouth. He then tried to swallow the glass, choked, and spat blood-soaked pieces onto the table. Then he started gargling blood and fell to his knees.
We were too paralyzed by the event to move, but the bartender ran up to
help the man. He tried to remove the remaining glass from the man's mouth,
but the man bit the bartender's finger. I called an ambulance from my cell
phone. I don't know if the man survived. And I really don't know why he
did it. But remember this: if you have an iron stomach, make sure you
throat is iron, too.
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Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection
Hardback. 240 pages. Autographed.$15 A fresh collection of magnificent misadventures! Lust, Vanity, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath extract an evolutionary toll on the wicked. Salute the owner of an equipment training school who demonstrates the dangers of driving a forklift by failing to survive the filming of his own safety video. Witness the man who becomes a victim of his own strange passion for jumping into rivers. Heed the honest bricklayer who loses a battle of wits with 300 pounds of tools. This book includes more History of the Awards, Gordon's Law, and 10 discussions of evolution, including speciation and the role of verbal memes in civilization. Autographed by Author! |
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