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Darwin Awards
2004 Personal Accounts
Email a Friend The Darwin Awards salutes the spirit portrayed in the following personal accounts, submitted by loyal (and sometimes reluctant) readers. Next Prev Random

Dodging the Draft Horse
2004 Personal Account

(Spring 1942, Wisconsin) My late great-grandfather told me this story, and my great-uncle swears it really happened. During World War II, Larry Shaw, a 19-year-old college dropout, received notice he was to be drafted. He was given orders to report to an Army recruiting post. Already having lost an uncle and a cousin to the Japanese, Larry was afraid to go. He was aware that if he wasn't in perfect health, the Army would reject him. But if he hurt himself on purpose, he would go to jail!

Larry, who worked at a farm with my great-grandfather, came up with a plan to "accidentally" hurt himself just enough to avoid the war, in a manner believable enough to pass as an accident.

While he and his co-workers were in the field, and without alerting any of them to his intentions, Larry walked up to a horse and tried to get it to step on his foot and break his toes. The horse, however, refused to move. No matter how much Larry pushed and shoved the horse, he couldn't get it to step on him. After trying for a long time, the frustrated Darwin hopeful got mad and kicked the horse in the tail. The startled horse responded by kicking back.

Larry was struck in the throat and died a few hours later, successfully dodging the draft, if not the kick.

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Reference: Pauline Moyer

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Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

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