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Darwin Awards
2009 Honorable Mentions
Email a Friend The stupidity displayed by the participants in the following tales stops short of the ultimate Darwin Awards sacrifice. Nevertheless, we salute the spirit and innovation of their misadventures. Next Prev Random

Not Even Half Baked
2009 Honorable Mention
Unconfirmed by Darwin

Women Darwin-ists are like women murderers: fewer and more fastidious, they prefer more wholesome methods for their special acts.

After an extended night shift, our heroine, a working mother, was bagged but decided to stay up a few extra hours until the kids came home from school. Being a thoughtful mom and a junk food junkie, the tired woman groggily decided that this was the time to bake a cake.

The ancient electric mixer had a detachable cord that plugs into the back, like your computer, only most computers have the sense to avoid the kitchen. Did I mention that these old electrical cords are ungrounded? Things were going well - butter, sugar, flour, cocoa - until the loose cord popped out of the old mixer and landed in the dough. Plop.

Ever the safety-conscious professional, she carefully turned off and set aside the completely inert mixer, and lifted the cord out of the batter. But what did she do with the dripping cake batter? She did what anyone does - she stuck the live electrical cord in her mouth and found herself on the floor, suddenly very wide awake.

Moderator James says, "I thought this was going in a predictable direction, but when you got to the part about her LICKING the cord, I couldn't stop laughing! She took every precaution EXCEPT the one that mattered."

No, I don't know what happened to the cake.

Having lived to tell the tale *and* reproduced, she is twice disqualified from winning the Darwin Award, but there is an ironic twist. Who would relate such an idiotic thing? Our Occupational First Aid instructor, introducing the module on electric shock. Her sensitive position with a workplace safety organizaton impels me to hold back her name, but surely anyone dumb enough to electrify herself mouth-first and honest enough to use it as a lesson afterward deserves Honorable Mention.

ORIGINAL SUBMISSION

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2009
Submitted by: Ron McIntyre
Reference: First hand account by the star of the story.

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The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

 


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