September 15, 2014
The Evolution Revolution
Homo sapiens sapiens
The Darwin Awards: In Search Of Smart.
(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, the Darwin Awards
editors are releasing this ribald and unsavory event to the public to serve
as a warning to adventurous amorous males. EYEWITNESS: "Being part of the
emergency services, upon one occasion we were called to the A&E Department
of a central London hospital to assist in removing a thing ring... (more)
(2 March 2014, Rotterdam, Netherlands) Two apparently intoxicated men dared
each other to test their courage against an intercity train at a Rotterdam
train station. At 1800 hours on a Sunday night, the station was crowded
with more than 300 fans returning from a soccer-match pitting Feyenoord
against Ajax at De Kuip, the most beautiful soccer stadium in
NO DARWIN AWARD: "No Bull, No Bullets!"
3 August 2014, Chicago | NOT a Darwin Award winner: the accidental shooting
death of a man who failed to prove that his gun had no bullets, when he
pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger. Moderators have ruled
this recent Illinois shooting death "too common" and lacking the creativity
of a true Darwin Award. Sorry, Mr. Zyzanski (rawstory.com)
17 July 2014, Poland | In a small town in Poland tragedy struck as seven
people accidentally drowned in a cesspool, one after another. The first
death was that of a tractor driver whose job was to empty the septic tank;
he succumbed to highly toxic hydrogen sulfide fumes and lost consciousness,
falling into the pool. Following him were six "rescuers"... (polskieradio.pl)
(30 April 2014) Found-on-the-Internet photo in honor of the deadly "selfie"
photo. On May 1 two men in Kenya were capturing selfies with a wild
elephant when they were trampled to death by the irate pachyderm who
proceeded to bury the corpses with brush. The two men were actually
touching the elephant's face while taking the photos. Charles Darwin
cautions, "When taking sensational selfies, remember the Photoshop option."
(30 April 2014) Honorable Mention. Alive without a brain? Six days before
his scheduled release, a convict broke out of a Portland jail and enjoyed
twelve hours of freedom before being apprehended at a nearby Jack in the
Box. The math genius had served 97% of his sentence.
Out of the Box, back into the Box, a classic Jack in the Box.
APOLOGIES: Author Slack Attack.
Hi! I'm Wendy, the author of the Darwin Awards and of late, a major
slacker. The updates have been spotty to nonexistent and there are cobwebs
and spiders lurking all over this website. While I'm getting the news up
to date, please enjoy a browse in our Slush Pile.
The Slush Pile has been moderated by volunteers for years, and the fans and
I owe them a round of drinks and free popcorn. So check out the Slush Pile
archives, the fountain from which the Darwin Awards are fished.
Thanks for waiting--Wendy is back!
FAVORITE DIY DEATHS
From the archives, some beloved "do it yourself" handymen and innovators.
2007 Darwin Award: Fatal a-Traction
2009 At-Risk Survivor: A Drilliant Idea
2008 Darwin Award: An Illuminating Story
2002 Darwin Award: The Worm Has Turned
2007 Darwin Award: Whac-A-Mole
2009 At-Risk Survivor: Mr. Tinker
2008 Darwin Award: Not a Shred of Sense
2009 At-Risk Survivor: Motorized Bar Stool
2008 Darwin Award: Killer Fuel Economy
2009 At-Risk Survivor: Homemade Howitzer
At-Risk Survivor: Unfinished Project
2000 Darwin Award: Do It Yourself, Do Yourself In
Human Intelligence is MIA,
Evolve! Urges the ghost of Charles Darwin.
Darwin Awards: Extinction of Species.
"Clap, clap, clap."
fans of the
they who only
sit and wait.