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Darwin Awards
1999 Urban Legends
Email a Friend The following stories are apocryphal. They are included on the Darwin Awards website because they are inspirational narratives of the astounding efforts of legendary Darwin Awards contenders. Next
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Missionary Miscalculation 
1999 Urban Legend

(26 June 1999, New Guinea) Reverend Newton Day, a self-ordained minister of his own Blessed Children Church, left Melbourne, Australia with his wife Pauline and daughters Paulette, Alicia and Sara. The ill-fated Reverend was determined to bring religion to a tribe of satanic cannibals. He dragged his fearful wife and daughters into the jungles of New Guinea. His sister begged him not to risk his babies' lives like that. "But he said the cannibals would love his kids, and that would make his job even easier."

As it turned out the Reverend Newton Day guessed wrong. The Tuoari tribesmen promptly ate the Reverend Day his wife and his three daughters. Concerned locals said, "We tried to tell him that Tuoaris don't want missionaries. They are perfectly happy worshiping the devil and eating any juicy white man who comes along." "Neighboring tribes say that the preacher and his family were in the stewpot before he ever got his Bible out of his duffel bag," Detective Ike C. Doka reported. "The Tuoaris ate like kings and danced all night long."

Submitted by: Gregory Miller

Edited by: Jim Watson

Reference: The Mirror, Ghana
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