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1999 Urban Legends
| The following stories are apocryphal. They are included on the Darwin Awards website because they are inspirational narratives of the astounding efforts of legendary Darwin Awards contenders. |
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Romeo and Juliet?
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(April 1999) Two students were in love and engaged. Unfortunately all of the parents involved disapproved of the marriage. The parents had threatened dire measures if the students eloped. Caught in an impossible position of choosing between their love and their families, the students decided they would leave the world together. "Juliet" told her friend, a pharmacist, that she was having trouble sleeping before exams, and asked her for potent sleeping pills. The pharmacist secured for her a small bottle of pills, plastered with warnings, "Danger! Use strictly as directed! Do not operate a moving vehicle!"
The two lovers locked themselves in a friend's dormitory room and tossed the key out the window. They shared a bottle of wine, made love, and then took the sleeping pills and kissed each other goodbye. Half an hour later, they began to feel curious rumblings in their intestines. Soon they realized
that Juliet's friend had given them laxatives, not sleeping potion! |
There they were, locked in a small dorm room with the key ten floors below, and no toilets in sight!
The stench spread quickly throughout the building, alerting other residents. A security guard was summoned, who forced the lock and poked his face 'round the door. He quickly swung it shut, nearly overcome by the fumes. The unfortunate couple had to be rescued by the SWAT team, protected by gas masks. They were taken to the hospital and treated for severe dehydration. It turned out that the friend at the pharmacy was alarmed by the request for sleeping pills with no prescription. She contacted the parents, who conferred with one another and realized that something had to be done. Thus, the outcome: the marriage was belayed, both students were suspended from college, and both sets of parents were relieved. Note from Dmitriy Kropivnitskiy:
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Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest
Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.$15 The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is. Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head! 123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more. Autographed by Author! |
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