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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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A new kind of hurt

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I grew up in a small town, population of no more than 2500 and the length of it's longest borders not even 7 miles apart. The town is known for its stupidity, but this one guy stands out. Way out.

One day, during summer vacation all of us boys were hanging out, bored, like the typical teenagers you see just wandering around. Out of the blue, one of my friends, Dustin, decides that it would be awesome to go and take a dump in the local pool.

The rest of us found this to be a bit disgusting, but at the same time moderatly hilarious -- Once again, we were teenage boys, it's to be expected. So, of course we headed towards the pool.

Now, the pool has a big brick wall around it, and on one side there's a chain-link fence. This is what claims our Darwin winner.

Basically: We walked through the playground of the school, then through the parking lot which had a ton of huge oil marks that everyone knows to avoid because it's "slip-central" in the town. We didn't avoid it however, because we're able bodied and can make it over without falling like the "tough" guys we were.

When we got to the chain link fence, most of us kept walking to go through the gate both because it was open, and we knew our feet were slippery. Not Dustin.

To show off and try to make us look like cowards -- Even though it was only 4 Ft. and anyone could easily climb over it -- decided to jump it. Placing his trusty strong hand on the fence, he tries to leap over it in one bound but doesn't get high enough to manage. Instead of just taking the blow to the chest, he tries to get his foot up to continue to slip over. That was his fatal mistake. His foot slid the way over, but he didn't account for gravity. His crotch slammed down on the pole, which caused him intense pain....

But wait, it gets better. Instead of sitting there and sucking it up for a minute or LIFTING himself off the fence like any normal human male would do given intelligence, he LAYS DOWN on it and LETS GO. The resulting slip caught his pants, and his testicles, and ripped both of them wide open.

The resulting injury meant he had to have his testicles amputated because the doctors could not repair the torn skin. Since then, he's never even mentioned taking a dump in the pool, much less going near the fence again.

Unfortunatly, in such a small town, there was no media coverage, no real news sources. The nearest news station was 90 miles away. But take a trip into Hayfork California and ask about the guy who slipped on a fence and lost his testicles, and you'll get the same story.

Submitted on 08/17/2008

Submitted by: Matt
Reference: Personal Account, Early '05

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Ouch! So much for showing off... Thanks, Matt!


Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Oww, oww, owww...a nominee for the rare Living Darwin! Thanks Matt!


$5 Darwin Fish.
6" x 2.25" Silver Emblem like those commonly seen on cars
only way sexier. A cute fish, floating belly-up, illustrating
the mechanism of natural selection. Minimum order is 2.
  

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