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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

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Man's Worst Friend

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Normally, my girlfriend doesn't share her ER stories after a shift, which is perfectly understandable; but earlier this week she had that look in her eye..."Just ask me what happened last night." A man, late thirties, came in bent over with a terrible look of distress and a bloody towel down low. He said he had been playing with his dog, and things got out of hand. The dog bit his penis. At first, he claimed he had his pants on, but it didn't take long for my girlfriend, who's pretty much seen it all, to get to the truth. Early in the morning, "John" was attempting to entice "Fido" with various foodstuffs to entertain his "staff." For one reason or another, either overly hungry or overly upset, Fido clamped down on John's Johnson. And then things got worse. Much worse, and rapidly. "Degloving" is the medical term used to describe the tearing of the skin from an extremity, USUALLY a finger or toe. But in this case, it was the entire skin of John's penis that was ripped off. By his beloved Fido. Being a guy, I cringed at the thought of what I'd just heard....but I had to know....What about the skin? Did he save the skin? Tell me he saved the skin.

Nope, the dog swallowed it. Slurp. As we all know (guys at least), the skin of the penis is unique, and substitution from other parts of the body, i.e., grafting, to do what the penis does, just doesn't "cut it." This guy has effectively been fetched out of the gene pool.

Submitted on 07/15/2008

Submitted by: Curtis Miller
Reference: ER Doctor/Friend/verifiable

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I've heard the occasional story of people trying to entice their pets to perform such services but I've never heard such an end result from the emergency room. Thanks, Curtis.

Candi said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
You know, this WAS just an urban legend as far as I knew -I CAN NOT believe someone was dumb enough to actually TRY THIS! The world doesn't need this dimwit's genes. And I thought the LPN who taught my Health Unit Coordinator class had some wonkers! Thanks, Curtis!

The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

 

 

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