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2008 April Slush
DA:Priest in balloon is blown to ocean
DA:Priest Visits boss
DA:Off to heaven
DA:More details on the missing priest
DA:Sky Pilot Priest Balloon Bye Bye
Balcony jumper wanted to test himse
Bonfire Night
HM:Battered Sausage
On The Road Again
(?)Four Wheel Drive
DA:Look Before You Leak
ice diving instructor misses hole
DA:DIY Pensioner Meets Shocking End
(DA)Intravenous Birdseed Man
Crushed crooks
Vibrator, blender and bathtube
Mr
(?)Pedestrian Killed on Barlow Trail
DA:A Screw Loose...
(?)cutting up gas tank
Chloroform and Sex Don't Mix
Beer, baseball, and an escalator
Crank it up a little Virgil
He wasn´t the Hulk...
No balls No brains
Huntingdon Man Shoots Himself in L
battered and bruised member
A "Hot" Idea.
Guns are not effective bee killers
Boys Will Be Boys
Man dies from mercury poisoning aft
In over his head...
Drunken Idiot Falls from moving SUV
A New Take on Car Surfing
Groin ... groin ... gone
Irish Bomb Expert
toasted Grenade
Possible Copper Theft Leads to Elec
Snakeskin Bracelet
Electrocuted stealing live wires
Man accidentally shoots self in che
DA:Off to Heaven
Teen sneaks out, plunges 11 floors
blasted dog
no through road my ass
Train hits man peeing on track
Police: Man dies in freak accident
Teens, Bonfire and Gas
Skateboarder Crashes into Bus
Banned for Life
A+B+C=almost DA idiocy.
Parrot rescue ends in disaster
Man runs himself over with U-Haul.
Caution: Flammable Material
See how fast I can go!
Jumping From Bridge To Train
Now promoted to higher position
Drunken Construction Worker Death
Thief burnt to death
Tree Ride Gone Wrong
Drunk Motorbike riding ends "split"
Man killed by 11,000 volts
man falls into mt st helens
I dare you to jump
Reach out and touch a tree
Fatal Boat Party Tragedy
Stuck for a 'pee'?
The Campout Pyro
Racine man dies while climbing at w
Detonator's Radio
Bubba's Electrical Service
Earth Day Gone Wrong
Man drowned after jumping into lake
Cuddling with the crocodiles
Blown Lung
heat sink fire
virginal birth - NOT
Shock Therapy for Thief
The Eye and the Testicles
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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Battered Sausage

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "Accepted into the Archive (near miss)"


ORIGINAL SUBMISSION:

Our young hero sought my professional medical advice accompanied by his even younger girlfriend. Both were agitated and highly concerned. Upon entering the room, our hero dropped his pants immediately, asking my opinion on an immensely swollen, dark purple penis. Doing my best to defuse his anxiety I asked him what happened. He couldn't speak. His girlfriend replied "Nothing, we woke up this morning and it was like that!"

I proposed to them three things:

1. It would not drop off.
2. It would get better again.
3. oral sex can be dangerous!

Yes, this was a young man who, with the aid of his girlfriend (who was almost as strong as a vaccuum cleaner)had severe barotrauma to his most important anatomical structure. Another near miss for the Darwin awards - the night before he almost allowed his girlfriend to remove him from the gene pool!!!

Submitted on 04/05/2008

Submitted by: Vivienne Miller
Reference: 2005 approx

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
While the results of consensual sex between two people sounds like a violation of our self-selection rule I think this makes for an amusing enough PA. That girlfriend must have one hell of a set of lungs!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Well, Doc, I hope you took the young lady aside and gave her a little friendly advice! :-) Of course, I'll betcha the boyfriend is a bonehead who can't feel pain! Either way, I'm glad it all worked out for everyone concerned, and it was quite amusing as well! Thanks!


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