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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

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The Blue - Handed Pikeman

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

The Legend of the Blue Handed Pikeman.

In the grand tradition of re-enactment, the action at weekends extends not only to the battlefield itself, but to the evening's entertainment in the Beer Tent.

Younger re-enactors are prone to imbibe well of the offerings, resulting in a lack of co-ordination and general stupidity.

One evening, one such individual, exercising his passenger pigeon-like ability to return to his home camp, decided to make a rest stop at a 'Portaloo'on the way back. Whilst using one hand to direct Percy, the other hand was then employed in making / answering a call to his cell phone ( HE COULD NOT REMEMBER WHICH! but a young lady may have been involved) At some point, the interface/association between the two extremities became confused and, during the call, the cell phone was dropped, and descended into the contents of said Portaloo, dyed blue, and scented beautifully to disguise less amenable odours. Said pikeman then, in his befuddled state, decided to retrieve said phone, but much to the distress of the increasing line of re-enactors forming a queue outside!

These other individuals, who became concerned at the increasingly strange sounds from within, decided to break in and assist, but found , not an individual in need of medical assistance, but one with his head and one shoulder wedged firmly in the toilet, with one hand grasped firmly on his......... cell phone! The individual was returned to his camp, and put to bed to sleep it off, fortunately, his authentic apparel had not suffered too greatly. However, his hands and forearms were dyed a bright blue colour.

The next morning, his regimental colleagues took great delight in explaining the circumstances, especially when he had no recollection of the event, being surprised at the bright hue of his digits! His cell phone was returned by his rescuers soon after, needless to say, not working! The event passed into legend, and was told and retold at countless camp fires, and, one night, I happened to hear it again, when practising manouvres with my latest regiment. It was an urban legend, I was told, however, I put the record straight that very night. I picked up my own cell phone and dialled a certain number. My son was able to confirm to all those present that it was him, he was and is the 'Blue Handed Pikeman' and even to this day, he is amazed that he has become a living urban legend.

Submitted on 01/14/2008

Submitted by: Sandra Lemons
Reference: 17th Century Re-enactment accident., near miss award

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Your son is lucky there were people waiting in line for the loo or he might have been there for a long time. Thanks for the funny story, Sandra!


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks for the chuckle, Sandra. Now you can proudly show your son that he has an award of distinction here at the Darwin site!


The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action

Hardback. 327 pages. Autographed.
$15
185 Stories! In the ongoing saga of Survival of the Fittest, meet the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current! Marvel at the would-be pilot who suspends his lawnchair from helium balloons! Learn from the man who peers into a gas can using a cigarette lighter...!

This book also includes a History of the Darwin Awards, Darwin Haiku, and a dozen humorous discussions of the implications of evolution, including the origin of idiots, and the role of testosterone.

Autographed by Author!

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