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2008 January Slush
(UL)Roping A Deer
(Hmmm)Tiger, not lion, kills 1, injurs 2
(DA)Pulled into the abyss
(?)Rich and Overconfident
(Hmm)White Spirit IS Flammable
(?)VA Man Shot to Death While Beating
(DA)Slippery When Wet
(?)Had big balls.
(DA)Chest Piercing Electrocution
(?)Un-happy slapper
(?)Need for Speed
(?)Great Balls of Fire!
(?)Jumbolair Airborne BMW
(DA)Not a Shred of Sense
Conveyor belt outlasts runner
Rafts, Rivers, Cement and Bridges
(HM)Home Made IED
(DA)Sneaking Across
Auger to Heaven
(?)Graffitists drown in storm drain
(NO)Disabled man turned himself into hu
(?)Let Me Get a Better Look!
MANS BEST FRIEND???
Fire up the BBQ !
Holy Flaming DOH!
gangsta guns & fireworks don't mix
Skier dies after triggering avalanc
The high cost of gas
Police: Man Shot Himself In Genital
Do-I-Yourself Shock Therapry
(DA)A series of Im-Pined Events
Picnic Lunch
Drunken driver saves beer
two for one
The Faster Method
Miami of Ohio University...
(several)
Man stabs self while fleeing
Woman attacked twice by shark
Is half a Darwin better then none?
highway worker nearly earns award
Reverse Mohawk
Grafitti Vandals Drown
dangerous mixture
Do Tell
Drowned pair 'spraypainting inside
Next Time Buy a Ticket!
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
1 shoot closes slaying case
When Couch Potatoes Take Root.
Men shoot themselves in tattoo atte
Making Deadly Gas at Home
German man goes out with X-mas Tree
Kinky Sex, Shocking Death
vodka+viagra death
Explosive Military Intelligence
Death by Exploding toilet
Down the drain!
Pneumatic Nail Gun Surprize
Man Killed in Backyard Explosion
Un-happy slapper
Fake hanging becomes all too real
What was he doing up in that crane?
Semi-Conductor
That is one Fowl Shot
diver drowns for golf balls
Metal fence gets revenge
One sleeper too many on rail tracks
Burning Pants
Police Break in?
Go Get the Lawnmower
Who knew trucks were heavy?
dumest showoff driver ever
Killer Drill
Couldn't wait to get down and party
Truck-a-Luck
dangerous dog food
They Ain't no Bo and Luke Duke!
The Blue - Handed Pikeman
Driver found unbuckled in crash, bu
Man Shot Himself In Genitals During
He now hates that 'Tom Tom' GPS!!!
A Crocodile Poacher gets scrambled.
Bare hand versus table saw
Drunken Phone Repair
Knife thief stabs self during getaw
Belly dancing through traffic
Super Glue Eye Drops
Man held by ankles to snap photo
Eagle explosion
Cutting up a Napalm Bomb
Escalator Misused
Flash Powder near miss
Log Jamming
Driver requires GPS Train-ing
elevator surfer
Two men dead after swimming in drai
New year buffaloe ride
freek accident
Rest in Peas
Bike VS. Train
Slow Learner
Hangings should never be mocked up
Is Arthur still going to heaven?
Strong finger for firing a pistol
unsuccessful robber shoots self in
The Death of Deadtown
Don't want to fall out of this bed!
Abused car strikes back
Goat Overcomes Man
Dog Love
New years Nose Ring In Brain
Homosexual Couple Hospitalized
Listen to your parents!
Run over getting the bins in
Man breaks neck in pool accident
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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Vote to tell me what *you* think!

The Faster Method

2008 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

My second cousin is not the the sharpest knife in the bunch and has been known to do stupid things like drink cooking oil that "looked like apple juice" or hit his head on the same object three times so this stroke of genius came as no surprise to me. As dumb as he may be he was able to find a woman to put up with him for at least one night after meeting her at a party. He would however wake up to find that she had left him a present commonly know as crabs.

Since we all worked at a bagel shop my brother owned we found him come in irrated at the gift the girl had left him. Now we couldn't risk him making bagels knowing he would probably sneak an itch or two in so he told him to take care of it, what we didn't realize then was how he would do it. To busy with a customer to pay attention to him I assumed he had went home or went to the store to take care of the problem when he was only a few feet away from me in the restroom. Before the conclusion an important note is that we didn't have much storage in the place for misc. items so we stuck them in the one toliet restroom where he was lucky enough to stumble on some fast acting relief. Suddenly the few customers that we had and everyone else in the store was stunned by the noise of a loud shout of pain. As soon as we were all around the bathroom door and could hear the sink on full blast we asked what was wrong. He refused to tell us for quite some time till he opened the door and said that he had sprayed a can of Raid on the crabs and thus was the source of the sream we heard.

Though his genitic information is still able to be passed on I thought that this story was at least worth mentioning to someone outside of the people who were there.

Submitted on 01/05/2008

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference:

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Great, thanks to your cousin the insect spray manufacturers are now all going to have to put huge "do not spray on your crotch" warnings on their cans... Thanks for a very amusing story!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
HA! GREAT story! Yep, it's a good thing the local Department of Health wasn't in that day! :-) Yep, your cousin is one of those rare birds, and I'm almost certain his escapades (or final escapade, as the case may be) will grace these pages again! Keep us posted!


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