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Darwin Awards
2008 Slush Pile

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Balls of Fire

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Being an avid fan of the Darwin Awards, I have read every book that has been released, enjoying the particularly stupid ways in which some remove themselves from the ever-pruning tree of life. Never did I imagine that I would come across such an incident. But I was wrong.

On a certain friend’s birthday did we decide to go karting. All went smoothly as we got geared up and told saftey procedures (which were completely pointless as we ignored them anyway). And then we got into our karts. Now a karts basic design consists to that of a dinky car, with the engine above the far-right wheel and the fuel tank between your legs.

Very shortly after the start did I realise that a certain cap was missing from a certain tank in between my legs. Now one at that point would have stopped and done the "Team America secret signal". But no, I didn't.

The track was very windy and extremely bumpy with the fuel emptying onto my crotch area. Again if one did not see the missing cap the first time, at seeing fuel on your "crown jewels" fairly close to a spark-emitting object, would have stopped and done the signal. But no, I didn't. I even had time to spin-out on the middle of the track and have a fellow karting buddy perform a crashing event and empty half the tank onto me.

I only stopped when I reached the pit lane, completely covered in fuel. Only then did I realise and did a jump out of the kart that a kangaroo would have been proud of. To this day, I still do not know how I didn't end up as the ignited Christmas pudding. I guess god laughing too much on that day.

Submitted on 12/31/2007

Submitted by: Bill Wakefield
Reference: Personal Account - 19th December 2005

Copyright © 2008 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
The karts that I've used all had the gas tank in the back, not between the drivers legs, so thank goodness I never ended up in the situation you found yourself in. You sure are lucky an ignition source never found you! Thanks for a great chuckle, Bill.

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Why'd you wait so long to send this in, Bill? This is a hilarious story indeed! You should have ended up a "screaming alpha", but thankfully lived to share this with us! Just don't do it again, will ya'??! :-)

The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action

Hardback. 327 pages. Autographed.
$15
185 Stories! In the ongoing saga of Survival of the Fittest, meet the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current! Marvel at the would-be pilot who suspends his lawnchair from helium balloons! Learn from the man who peers into a gas can using a cigarette lighter...!

This book also includes a History of the Darwin Awards, Darwin Haiku, and a dozen humorous discussions of the implications of evolution, including the origin of idiots, and the role of testosterone.

Autographed by Author!

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