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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

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Stirring Up the Wasp Nest

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I work in a geology lab with very smart people, such as James, who can tell you the petrogenetic peculiarities of low-alkali tholeiitic basalt after hydrothermal alteration. But our hero James recently demonstrated that there is a significant difference between intelligence and common sense.

While casting about for ways to rid himself of a pesky wasp nest, his eye fell upon his trusty Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Armed with this fearsome weapon, James attacked the wasp nest. He sucked up all the wasps, who buzzed angrily as they struggled in vain against the wind-tunnel. The dustbag was soon alive with their buzzing.

James now found that he had a new problem: to wit, a vacuum cleaner bag full of live, disgruntled wasps. He had to find a way to kill them before he could safely turn off the vacuum. And while his previous idea was merely ill-considered, his next was a masterpiece of moronity.

He held the vacuum tube in one hand, a can of RAID in the other, and proceeded to spray the insecticide into the vacuum. What our smart young scientist failed to remember is that aerosols are flammable, and vacuum cleaner motors generate heat. The resulting explosion removed his facial hair, and scattered the dusty, angry contents of the Dirt Devil all over the vicinity.

Adding insult to injury, James was not the only one to survive with minor injuries. The wasps proceeded to vent their spleen upon the exposed (and slightly scorched) skin of the scientist, who referred to the episode as "an unfortunate lapse in calculation of consequences."


ORIGINAL SUBMISSION:
I work in a geology lab, and there are a lot of very smart people around - people who can tell you the petrogenetic peculiarities of low-alkali tholeiitic basalt after hydrothermal alteration, and other such (presumably) erudite discourse. Our hero, James T., was one such.

As he proved, though, there is a significant difference between intelligence and common sense. He further demonstrated that creativity is not always a laudable characteristic. For, while casting about for ways to rid himself of a pesky wasp nest, his eye fell upon his trusty Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner.

James armed himself with this fearsome weapon and attacked the wasp nest, tubes sucking at full power. He sucked up all the wasps, who buzzed angrily as they struggled against the wind-tunnel-like atmosphere. Their struggles availed little, and the dustbag was soon alive with their buzzing.

James now found that he had a different problem: to wit, a vacuum cleaner full of live, and rather disgruntled, wasps. He had to find a way to kill them before he could safely turn off the vacuum. And while his previous attempt was merely ill-considered, his second was a masterpiece of moronity.

He held the vacuum tube in one hand, the can of Raid in the other, and proceeded to spray the contents of the one down the other. What our young scientist failed to remember from his basic, undergraduate chemistry and physics classes is that aerosols are flammable, and vacuum engines generate heat. (Heck, if he had even read the label on the can instead of his freshman chem textbook, he would've known that.) The resultant explosion removed all James's facial hair and scattered small bits of Dirt Devil, as well as the dusty, cruddy contents of the dustbag, all over the vicinity.

Adding insult to injury, James was not the only one to survive with minor injuries. About half the wasps had done likewise, and proceeded to vent their spleen upon the exposed (and slightly scorched) skin of the insectocidal scientist, who referred to the episode as "an unfortunate lapse in calculation of consequences."

Submitted on 05/11/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: None-personal account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Shadow said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This reads as a personal account but could be an honorable mention to. This guy could be up for a Darwin had he been allergic! Thanks for the submission!


Graham said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
If this one could be verified, it would be a winner. This is what Darwin Awards are about, i.e. immeasurable stupidity. And there wasn't even any drugs/guns/alcohol involved, making it even more spectacular.


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Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
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The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

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