In the early 1990s, during a nationwide firearms amnesty shortly after a particularly nasty impulse murder spree, the officer manning the front desk of a large police station in the North of England was addressed by an elderly gentleman wanting to know how wide the terms of the amnesty were. When told that they covered anything that could reasonably be defined as a purpose-made weapon, the man said he'd be right back, and returned wheeling a small trolley containing a large and very rusty steel cylinder. "What is it, sir?" asked the now very worried police officer. "It's mustard gas," the man replied. "Brought it home in 1918 as a souvenir, but it's starting to smell so I thought I'd better get rid of it. Good day, constable."

Yes, I really did just type that. A veteran of the Great War, about to be demobilised and looking for something to show off to his grandchildren, settled upon a cannister of possibly the nastiest poison gas ever deployed in battle. Well, it takes all sorts. Doesn't say much about the competency of his quartermaster, though. The full URL's http://midlandspc.blogspot.com/2007/01/amnesty.html by the way.

Submitted on 02/02/2007

Submitted by: James
Reference: See Text

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

Graham said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Thanks, James. Er . . . I wonder what the constable did with the cannister? Probably spread it on his hot-dog, huh?

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Actually, this one's kind of funny! WWI veterans seemed to have a darker sense of humor than veterans of other 20th century Wars (well, many Vietnam Vets I know also share that dark sense of humor), and I could see someone taking a gas canister home as a souvenir! The line about it's smelling funny did it for me!

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
As a former Bomb Disposal tech, I can assure all concerned that this has the ring of Truth! Never saw any WW i stuff myself, but I did have to work with some equally nasty WW II stuff. Thanks James, Good thing that I had put down my drink before reading the story...! And I'm still giggling. I'll pass this one along to my Brit and US EOD friends!

The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

$16 Smoking Crater T-Shirt / Black
Heavy 100% cotton, black Hanes Beefy-T with an inadvisable cigarette break on the front... a smoking crater on the back! Click on the image for a full view. Based on true stories. Errata: TNT will not explode in the presence of a lit cigarette. The man was actually sitting on a crate of gelignite.
Buy the Smoking Crater T-Shirt