Slush Pile: Teenager gets 'donkey' kicks

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2004 December Slush

I do not see it despite simila

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Drunk Cops Kill Themselves

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Taxi Driver Shoots Osama

Teenager gets 'donkey' kicks

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2004 Slush Pile

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Teenager gets 'donkey' kicks

2004 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

During my short spell as a PC in Surrey Police I came to be involved in a reported 'serious incident' in Guildford town centre: Police were called to a severely injured lad of 16 who was being rushed to hospital with a (nearly) severed foot. The victim claimed to have been walking from a nightclub with a friend, when they became embroiled in an altercation with an unknown person(s), resulting in his being thrown through a ten-foot plate glass shop window. The area was sealed off, large amounts of blood on the footpath photographed and washed away for hygiene reasons, and the window-less store owner notified. On reaching hospital and sobering up, the victim gave the following account: Somewhat intoxicated, the young 'buck' had bet his friend he could smash the shop window, being a young, fit footballer (and did I say drunk?). To make his point, he stood with his back to the glass and performed a 'donkey kick' into the bottom of the window. The following points failed to be taken into consideration: Glass is easier to break if you hit the edge, as the energy cannot dissipate effectively; Plate glass, in this case, is some 1.5 inches thick and very, very strong; Ten feet of plate glass falling straight down weighs a great deal. The 'victim' did not 'kick the bucket' and hence this would be an honourable mention, but he did ruin any chance of a football carreer (though he kept his foot), and given the sexual antics of soccer stars he probably reduced the potential spread of his seed as a result. I felt so sorry for him I convinced my boss to authorise a police caution, even though the damage ran to over Ł5000! Heeooor, Heeoor, Heeoor to have known better!

Submitted on 12/17/2004

Submitted by: Marc Buckingham
Reference: Surrey Police, 2001

>> Moderator Scores <<

Charles said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I do like this one; it does show an admirable lack of concern for consequences that might well net him a full Darwin one day. I am a little unsure of measurements here; I had thought that plate-glass to 3m (10') was typically only about half that thickness -- 1/2 to 3/4 inches. And I didn't know of any shop-fronts near that part of Surrey that were 10' high... but it's been a while since I was there.

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Sounds as if our young hero also fancied himself as a bit of a martial artist as well as a footballer! Normally, stories about people getting injured when they break through glass windows are too common for inclusion, but this is different enough to keep. Thanks, Constable.

Daniel said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Well told, collossal stupidity, nearly fatal results. Meets my criteria.

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2004 Slush Pile

Teenager gets 'donkey' kicks

2004 Reader Submission Pending Acceptance

2004 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance