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2003 December Slush
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Darwin Awards
2003 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Congratulations, inmate!

2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Note: While this story did appear in the Toronto Sun and on local radio stations, I was also there and can personally verify that it happened.

One night at the Orchard Park Tavern in Toronto, a group of 5 men and one woman who looked like they were regulars on cops stumbled in for a few beers.

Suddenly, one of them started to frantically wave a scratch and win ticket in his hand while screaming “Wooo!! 25 thousand!! 25 F---in’ thousand!!” Yes, he had just one a big lottery prize.

After running around the bar while waving the ticket while sxreaming "25 F---in’ thousand!!” in every patron's face, he rejoined his friends at the bar, who demanded the bartender “buy him free drinks!” (What? He can't afford them?)

While our lottery winner was basking in his new found winnings, an athletic clean-cut group of men at one table held an impromptu huddle. As it turns out, Mr. “25 F---in’ thousand!” was a wanted criminal. He had recently been arrested for breaking in to a liquor store, failed to show for his court date and had a warrant out for his arrest. As bad luck would have it, the arresting officer (Yes, one of the people he screamed “25 F---in’ thousand!” at) just happened to be in the bar that same night with some other off-duty police officers, enjoying wings and pops after playing volleyball. After a short huddle, they made their way up to the bar to congratulate our friend on his new winnings, and promptly hauled him off to jail, leaving his stunned friends behind.

Note: I guess it's true when they say people from your past you've always avoided show up when you fall into money.

The following day, the Toronto Sun ran the story with the following intro: “Toronto’s newest lottery winner knows what he’s doing with his money. He’s getting a lawyer!”

And the saddest part: Our friend had the wrong week’s ticket. The one he scratched was from a previous draw and was worthless.

Submitted on 12/29/2003

Submitted by: Gareth Meagher
Reference: Toronto Sun, February '91

Copyright © 2003 DarwinAwards.com

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Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
No danger to life or reproduction, so no DA. But as a personal account, I like it! Nice write-up, and the last paragraph was priceless, "Our friend had the wrong week’s ticket. The one he scratched was from a previous draw and was worthless."


Charles said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This doesn't qualify as a Darwin -- my usual reason, "Stupid, yes; but once he has served his time, he will be able to return to society and father children as stupid as he is himself. Since he has not permanently removed himself from the gene pool, he is ineligible for inclusion on this site." But the quality of the write-up is such that it is worth keeping as a PA if ont a DA.


The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards: Evolution in Action

Hardback. 327 pages. Autographed.
$15
185 Stories! In the ongoing saga of Survival of the Fittest, meet the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current! Marvel at the would-be pilot who suspends his lawnchair from helium balloons! Learn from the man who peers into a gas can using a cigarette lighter...!

This book also includes a History of the Darwin Awards, Darwin Haiku, and a dozen humorous discussions of the implications of evolution, including the origin of idiots, and the role of testosterone.

Autographed by Author!

 

 

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