We salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it... ensuring that the next generation is one idiot smarter. Of necessity, this award is generally bestowed posthumously.
November 2006	"The Tree of Life is Self-Pruning."
Wendy's Corner NO More Frames! I dreamed I met a Philosophy Forum member at a booksigning. Some fans have read my words for years, and I have read your emails. I would like to visit your town, so try to find a college or organization to sponsor my trip to give an inspirational Darwin Awards talk!  <grin> Today, I recommend to your attention a favorite, Fir Tree Trimmer. FREEBIES: 3 LOVELY Bookmarks! or... 12 Large Postcards! I will basically fill the envelope, however big, and send it back to you. Send a self-addressed envelope, NO Stamps needed, to: Wendy Northcutt 375 Hudson Street New York, NY 10014 H A I K U Dude had a screw loose. Glad he didn't reproduce. Darwin saves the day. [ Add More Haiku ] NEW BOOK! $13.57 [ Read More ] 126 stories, plus Science Essays! Don't miss our mottos! "Chlorinating the Gene Pool" "Where Evolution Hits the Pavement" "Die and Learn" & more! Fun and Facts  A Voluntary Survey If they had to guess, those who know you best would predict that you would die... So strangely that your autopsy would become a popular case study among coroners. On fire... literally. Upside-down (frozen) Upside-down (drowned) If there were a fire in your workplace, your colleagues would... Assume you started it. Be glad you made it out okay. Depend on your guidance to exit in a calm and orderly fashion. Physically restrain you from going back in to rescue unused office supplies. You most dangerous hobby... Makes BASE jumping seem tame. Actually is BASE jumping. Has (nearly) claimed a few lives. Involves staring at a computer screen. You would never consider _____ while driving: Talking on the phone. Wearing a seatbelt. Reading a book. Interrupting the game On encountering an unfamiliar wild animal, you attempt to: Kiss it. Handle it. Photograph it. Photograph it while handling or kissing it. Avoid it.	Darwin Awards Movie SomeWhen 2007! Enjoy 3 New Stories Below. Meanwhile, I really need a writer who can write more stories with a light and humorous touch. If you would like to earn money AND laugh, submit your write-up of one of the following: Bumbling Brit (lots of material, some keep, much toss) or Concealed Weapon (rewrite funnier.) NEW Darwin Awards: Score One For Goliath A fearsome mythical giant was felled by a humble slingshot. But a modern speargun vs. an underwater leviathan is another tale altogether, as a Florida man discovered. Faith as a Flotation Device In August, a congregation's 35-year old pastor insisted one could literally walk on water, if only one had enough faith. Copper Kite String Benjamin Franklin reputedly flew his kite in a lightning storm, going on to discover that lightning is electricity. However, certain precautions one must take to avoid sudden electrocution. A Rolling Stone,,, ...isn't the only thing that collects no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched atop a hill, and decided to retrieve it with a little help from Sir Isaac Newton's laws. Stubbed Out There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match... High On Life (and Death) The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a huge, deflated helium advertising balloon. The medical examiner told family members that helium inhalation was a factor in their deaths. Hammer of Doom August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer... Star Wars LightSabre Like two people wo imitated Luke vs. Darth Vader, and made light sabres from fluorescent light tubes. That's right, the 17 and 20 opened up fluorescent lights, poured gasoline into the tubes... and lit them. A Star Wars sized explosion was not far behind... NEW Honorable Mentions: The Flyswatter Using opaque reasoning, Robert figured a 40-mm shell he found on a hunting trip must be inert. Not only did he keep the round, but he used it as a paperweight on his desk. Such a unique decoration would start many interesting conversations, but more notably, it was Robert's ticking ticket to fame. Severely Faithful A woman found a text message on her husband's phone, and a bitter spousal argument ensued. In a desperate effort to prove his faithfulness, her 41-year-old husband rushed from the room and cut off his own penis... but modern medicine is miraculous. Snake in the Grass A hiker in Scotland picked up a grass snake so his brother could take a picture. Just as he reached for it, a black serpent slithered into view, so he grabbed that too. It was a black adder, Britain's only venomous snake. Both reptiles sank their fangs... Assorted Smoked Meats A pleasant turn of weather led to an unpleasant ordeal for 2 men, a woman, and a puppy. A sudden sunny day inspired a plan to move a barbecue-in-progress from the lawn to an apartment balcony. But the elevator involved decided to be disagreeabe, and protest the migration between the 4th and 5th floors... Complete Works of Charles Darwin Online. How cool! Clear presentation. Random pages have lovely descriptions of people and places. Catnip for the mind. TODO: Newly refurbished: Dying for a Ciggie "Juice Me Up!" MUST REMOVE: The Last Laugh 8.3 (TWISTED CRIMINAL) Blow Your Mind 8.0 () Child Pandering 7.6 (SAD) Outwitting a Thief 7.5 (STUPID, UNCONFIRMED) Wales Wins (SAD, INSANE) COMBINE: stupid1998-04.html with stupid2003-10.html. Also combine roller coaster stories. Move darwin2002-25.html to Urban Legend. Literary Reference "He who hesitates... is sometimes saved." -James Thurber
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