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The Darwin Awards honor those who improve
our gene pool... by removing themselves from it.
These men and women gave their "all" in an effort to
improve the human species. Of necessity, the honor is
generally bestowed posthumously.
Darwin Awards III
Survival of the Fittest
Available October 13!
After months of drought, I've finally written more stories!
If I ever get behind again, remember, there's always the Slush Pile. It's
continuously updated with submissions reviewed by volunteer
moderators. If you're desperate for new stories, you can also
read the Slush Pile Rejects. Both archives go back to
January 2002. -Wendy
"Humans are not the end
result
of predictable evolutionary progress,
but
rather a fortuitous... twig
on the enormously arborescent
bush of life"
-Stephen J. Gould
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James Watson Says
Stupidity is a Disease.
According to the co-discoverer of the helical structure of
DNA, James Watson, stupidity is indeed a genetically linked
disease that should be cured! "If you are really stupid, I
would call that a disease... I'd like to get rid of that, to
help the lower 10%."
Watson also suggests that genes influencing beauty should be
engineered. "People say it would be terrible if we made all
girls pretty. I think it would be great."
Read More!
iAfrica.com
[text] or New Scientist [text]
Book Reviews
Darwin: Perfect Victim
Philosophy Forum: Great Books
David Sandel
wonders, "Is it possible to earn a Darwin Award twice?
An example is if a man earns his first Darwin Award by losing
his testicles in a stupid way, and later the earns a second
Award by losing his life during a lapse of reason."
Readers' opinions.
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Status Changes
Some true stories are posted as unconfirmed until alert
fans correct the misapprehension. Other stories are labelled
"confirmed" but new information reveals I was
fooled. Here are the latest updates:
NOW CONFIRMED!
All Aboard!
Bulletproof!
High on Grass
Where's the Chute?
No Bike Lane at the Airport
STATUS CHANGE!
The Last Supper
Now an Urban Legend.
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Essays
I'm still reviewing the Websense essays (I'll contact you
SOON--so many to read!) but I've already contacted everyone
who submitted other essays. (Just 5% included
addresses!!) Mugs are delayed because the sublimation printer
was out for repairs. Watch this space for more
information.
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Darwin Awards
Kung Fu Lion
Sizzling Scaffolding
Shooting Blanks
Auto Blotto
Honorable Mentions
The Last Laugh
Firewalls
Personal Accounts
Under Pressure
[ Last Issue ]
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September 1990, Australia
| Men seem to have an affinity for large
trucks. What else can explain the actions of a 34-year-old
thief who decided to take possession of the engine of an old
Bedford tip-truck?
The truck was parked outside a glass recycling company in
Alexandria. It generally takes three men to lift an engine
block of this size, but our enterprising pilferer decided
that the best way to remove the engine was from below, rather
than the conventional out-the-top-with-a-crane technique.
He crawled under the cab and began to loosen the
bolts.
Suddenly the engine block broke loose and landed on his
face, killing him instantly. Police ascertained that he had
at least one accomplice, judging by the pool of vomit found
under a nearby bush.
An employee discovered his body early the next
morning. The manager said that the truck was about to be
scrapped. "If he had come and asked me for it, I would have
given it to him."
Vote!
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January 2003, Virginia
| Paul Powell is not yet out of the gene pool but
he will be soon, thanks to his own efforts to enable
prosecutors to prove a capital murder charge against him. He
had been tried and convicted of the murder of a 16-year-old
girl, but his conviction was overturned by the State
Appellate Court based on a lack of evidence that he had
robbed or raped the woman.
However, due process was not yet done with Powell.
Thinking himself immune to further consequences, Powell
wrote a gloating confession and sent it to the prosecutor's
office. "Since the Virginia Supreme Court said that I can't
be charged with capital murder again, I figured I would tell
you the rest of what happened on January 29, 1999, to show
you how stupid y'all are." He went on to explain in graphic
detail exactly what had happened on the night he murdered the
girl.
But Powell did not have the last laugh.
He overlooked a catch. The Court had only ruled that there
was not enough evidence for the capital murder conviction,
leaving open the possibility of a retrial for lesser charges,
or for capital murder should new information surface. The
second time around, Powell's boastful letter gave the
prosecutors precisely the evidence they needed.
Powell's lawyer "portrayed his client as a bright young
man." Bright as a burned-out light bulb! Powell was convicted
of capital murder on January 15, 2003
Vote!
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Literary Reference
Upon hearing about Charles Darwin's The Origin of Species, the alarmed wife of the Bishop of Worcester exclaimed, "Descended from the apes! My dear, let us hope that it is not true, but if it is, let us pray that it will not become generally known."
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