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What's a Darwin Award?
The Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by
removing themselves from it in really stupid ways.
 185 fatal misadventures Now in Paperback! Just when you thought it was safe to leave the house, this book reminds you that dangerous idiots lurk everywhere. Suitable for reading in the bath or bed--but no smoking please! I don't want to lose even one reader.  [ More ] $7 at Amazon, etc.
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Darwin's Corner
This month features quite a few Personal Accounts. If you haven't read many of these gems, now is the time to start. Although few involve death, these brave authors share their foolish pratfalls for the betterment of us all. Give these stories a try. You might find a new source of guilty pleasure!these tales of stupidity are hilarious, well-written, and could save your life.
"Humans are not the end result of predictable evolutionary progress, but rather a fortuitous cosmic afterthought, a tiny little twig on the enormously arborescent bush of life, which if replanted from seed, would almost surely not grow this twig again." -Stephen J. Gould 10 Sept 1941 - 20 May 2002
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The Answer Is...
Personal Account
This one did not make the press, but my colleagues in the hospital all vividly remember this patient. At best, he earns an Honorable Mention, since he did not die, nor did he lose his reproductive capacity.
This young man presented himself to our Emergency Department covered with burns on all of his exposed skin. His hair was singed close to his scalp. What caused these injuries? He had posed himself a question, and become overwhelmed by curiosity.
Needing to discover the answer to his question (revealed soon) he proceeded to shoot a propane tank with a .22 caliber rifle. Having survived the first stage of his stupidity, he gave the propane ten minutes to leak out, and then held a burning lighter and walked slowly towards the hissing propane tank.
The question was: How close do you have to be to the propane tank before it blows up? The answer: fifteen feet.
Vote!
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Status Changes
Some true stories are posted as unconfirmed until alert fans correct the misapprehension. Other stories are labelled "confirmed" but new information reveals I was fooled. Here are the latest updates.
IS IT TRUE? Kiss Bites Back
Now Confirmed:
Midnight Special
Baked Alaska
Blown Away
Confirmed & Not a Darwin
Darwin Beach Death
New Information:
Airbag Weapons
Frank: "False."
Snowball's Chance in Hell
Keith: "True"
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Literary Reference
"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." -Benjamin Franklin
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July Stories
Darwin Awards
Fir Kills Tree Trimmer
Flamingo Gunfight
Mechanic Mayhem
Cactus Crunch
Drop of a Hat
Antlers Ahoy!
Personal Accounts
Home Improvement
Chemistry Lesson
The Answer Is...
Bridge Work
Amateur Roofing
Exploding Latrine
[ Last Issue ]
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Here's the Constipated Elephant story.
It's an Urban Legend.
NOT A DARWIN AWARD!
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Drop of a Hat
Darwin Award
Urban Legend
2002, Kansas | Just outside of Wichita, a 21-year old farm boy was driving a grain harvester across his winter wheat field to collect the crop. This particular piece of farm equipment has huge rotating blades that cut down the wheat stalks. At some point during the harvesting, the driver's cowboy hat was blown off by the wind and hurtled some distance in front of the blades.
Thinking that the tractor was not moving fast enough to warrant stopping -- or perhaps just not thinking at all -- he jumped down and ran in front of the tractor to collect his hat. It was still being blown around by the wind, and after chasing it for a bit, he finally caught up with it. Meanwhile, the harvester had caught up with him, and his body was found scattered across the wheat field.
Local authorities were contacted by a neighbor who noticed the tractor crossing Highway 96 with no driver.
Wichita Eagle, Argonia Farm Chronicles
Vote!
Can you confirm this story? If you have actual news clippings, or an eyewitness report, please contact Darwin.
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Reader Tidbits
Brandi spotted the Darwin Awards in a word game in GAMES Magazine!
[ PLAY IT ] [ ANSWERS ]
Reader Jon Zornow describes the concept of the Darwin Awards: "Charles 'SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST' Darwin theorized that
weaker strains frequently find themselves in situations in which they can no
longer procreate -- such as death. The Darwin Awards single out prime examples
of idiots killing themselves, and select the best examples of the efficacy of the gene pool
filter."
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Book Reviews
Darwin:
Perfect Victim
Philosophy Forum:
Great Books
Quantum Mechanics
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Essays
I'm still reviewing the Websense essays, but I've already contacted everyone who submitted other essays. Just 5 of 100 included their addresses  Watch this space for more information.
 New! COFFEE Mugs $9: Drink your beverage from our large mugs, a series of four. A Zeebarf illustration decorates one side and the story adorns the other. Large 15-ounce mugs, $9 each or all four for $30.
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