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What's a Darwin?
Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by
removing themselves from it in really stupid ways. Read and rate new stories in the moderated Slush Pile.
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Now in Paperback!
 185 fatal misadventures. Just when you thought it was safe to leave the house, this book reminds you that dangerous idiots lurk everywhere. Suitable for reading in the bath or bed--but No Smoking please! I don't want to lose even one more reader.  [ More ] $8 at Amazon
Want an Autographed Copy?
I will send you a bookplate (personalized if like) just ask! A SASE is appreciated, but not required. Send requests to:
Darwin Awards Bookplate
c/o Dutton 3rd Floor
375 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014 USA
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I Shot the Sheriff
2002 Honorable Mention
19 March 2002, Ohio | "Shots fired, I'm hit." A 52-year-old police chief reported he'd been shot in the leg during an incident that began as a routine traffic stop.
He had pulled over a rusted Chevy missing its license plates. Before he could emerge from his police cruiser, the driver had opened fire and put a bullet through the cruiser's windshield. The suspect then charged the chief, and shot in the leg during the ensuing struggle.
A statewide manhunt was launched to locate the gunman, described as a white, bearded male, 6' 4" tall and weighing 195 pounds.
One week later, the law enforcement team nabbed their man: the police chief himself, who confessed to fabricating the entire event to hide a blunder.
He had accidentally fired his rifle through the windshield of his police car. To cover up that mistake, he drove out to a county road, radioed in for help, and fired his weapon to make it sound like there was trouble at the scene of a traffic stop. Then he accidentally fired his weapon again, striking his own leg.
To inadvertently discharge a weapon once might be considered a simple accident, but twice earns this police chief an Honorable Mention. Had that shot ricocheted... he might have won a Darwin Award instead!
Vote!
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Literary Reference
"Human beings can always be counted on," says Dean Koontz in False Memory, "to assert with vigor their God-given right to be stupid."
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May Stories
Darwin Awards
Losing Face
Well-Trained
Truck Stop
Jet Taxi
Sneakers
Convince the Jury
Honorable Mention
I Shot the Sheriff
Baked Alaska
Wild Shot
Personal Accounts
Pocket M80
Anchor Man
Copper Clod
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Sneakers
2002 Darwin Award
February 2002, Pennsylvania | Outside a camp for troubled youths, sneakers dangled from the electricity line, presumably tossed there by a camper who enjoyed the challenge and notoriety. But the sneakers were an eyesore to one 20-year-old employee. They must be eliminated!
He stood in the raised bucket of a front-end loader, and poked at the sneakers with a device consisting of a fourteen-foot coppper tube with a pocketknife taped to the end.
The determined employee had nearly removed a pair of shoes, when the knife pierced the insulation and made contact with the electrical wire. He was knocked out of the bucket and landed on the hood of the loader, with burns on his hands, a foot, and his buttocks. He died from his injuries three weeks later.
Does his death seem the obvious result of a foolish choice? Not according to his mother, who said, "Nobody knows what really happened."
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Pocket M80
2002 Personal Account
March 2002, Canada | My friend James is a moron and a firebug, like every other boy in Grade 9. James always had an ample supply of materials, from his father's bullet-making workbench, to satisfy his obsession.
One day after school I noticed a group of kids huddled around James. He had filled a small, heavy-duty cardboard tube with FFFF powder, used for black powder rifles. The tube was sealed with a generous amount of duct tape, and had a crude wick protruding from the side.
James pulled out his butane lighter, instructed everyone to step back, and lit the wick. But instead of doing the natural thing -- throwing the crude M80 as fast and far as possible -- he placed it between his legs right below his crotch, while he stowed the lighter back in his pocket...
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