What's a Darwin?
 Darwins
celebrate life by reminding us how close we've each come to death
as a result of our own foolish actions. Aren't you relieved that
YOU have (thus far) managed to avoid the "wet feet & lightswitch"
accident? These poor folks fared worse... Darwin Awards: Stories
that make ME smile. I hope
you will enjoy them too. -Wendy
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2001 Darwin Runners-Up
The short list of Darwin Awards nominees, selected from the year's
submissions. Vote for your favorites! Winners announced in December
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Grenade
Juggler
May 2001, Croatia | A college student
dropped the ball when a hand grenade exploded while he was juggling
it at a party in Vidovci. The six injured onlookers earn Honorable
Mentions for their disregard of common sense, and the juggler wins
a Darwin for his lethal stupidity. The Sun, ananova.com
The
Unkindest Cut
30 May 2001, Oregon | Ismael drove
his truck into a mailbox, bringing down 7500-volt power lines
on top of the vehicle. He surveyed the situation, then pulled
out a pair of pruning shears and clipped the cable lying across
his truck. The current took the path of least resistance, across
his heart and out his left foot. Ismael was found lying motionless
on the power line with a pair of pruning shears in his hands.
The Oregonian
Rubbish!
1 March 2000, New Zealand | Two university
students climbed to the top of Baldwin Street, the steepest in
the world according to The Guinness Book of World Records. The
women attempted to pilot a rubbish bin down the 38-degree incline,
but missed a crucial turn and hurtled into a trailer parked legally
aside the road. One woman was instantly killed, and her co-pilot
suffered serious head injuries--though one wonders how they noticed.
New Zealand Herald, Reuters
Killing
Time
2001, Scotland | A Glasgow electric
train proved the undoing of one enterprising thief, who thought
he'd steal the copper from the rails, between trains, when they
are not electrified. His plan might have worked... but for one
small detail. He had consulted an out-of-date timetable and the
train arrived ten minutes early, putting an electrifying end to
his ignoble career.
Blown
Away
16 July, 2001, United States | An assistant
plant manager made a permanent exit after using an acetylene torch
to cut a hole in an asphalt emulsion tank. His plan was to determine
the amount remaining in the tank, but his chosen method was in
complete disregard of safety procedures and warning signs. When
the torch reached the level of the emulsion, the resulting explosion
blew him 93 feet away. (CCH Employment Safety
& Health Guide No. 1573
Think
Before You Leap
21 July 2001, Idaho | When the brakes
failed while driving down a steep mountain road, Marco bailed
out on his eight passengers and threw himself from the Dodge van.
Too bad he didn't alert the others to the problem before he hit
the pavement. Another passenger was able to bring the vehicle
to a stop a short distance away. Marco died of a head wound, but
no one else was injured.
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The website
was hacked! It's still a mess, script-wise, but
the stories are safe and here for you to enjoy. I'll be repairing
the website over the next few weeks. For more information about
the random security breach, read the explanation and follow-ups
in the Philosophy
Forum.
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Al-Qa'eda Earns a Darwin
Atomic Bomb Plans a Spoof
It's true! The organization that claims to have
atomic capabilities is basing their research on a spoof article
in the Journal of Irreproducible Results. "It is
clearly the same text," said former editor Marc Abrahams.
How To Build An Atomic Bomb in 10 Easy Steps
describes how to construct a nuclear weapon for as little as $5000.
The terrorists' glaring error was revealed on the notoriously
lurid website rotten.com
after creator Jason Scott took phrases from documents shown on
a BBC report and typed them into a search engine. [ more ]
Do
you think it's true?
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Literary Reference
Upon hearing about Charles Darwin's The Origin of Species, the alarmed wife of the Bishop of Worcester exclaimed, "Descended from the apes! My dear, let us hope that it is not true, but if it is, let us pray that it will not become generally known."
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CRYSTAL DAZE
Confirmed | Chihuahua, Mexico is home to two caverns containing
the largest natural crystals known to man. Some of the clear crystals
of selenite are over 20 feet long. The newly-discovered caverns
buried 1200 feet below the surface of the earth carry a curse for
those who seek to plunder their riches. A man recently tried to
steal one of the magnificent crystals from the roof, and might have
succeeded... if he hadn't stood directly beneath it while chopping
it free. He was was crushed by the sparkling stalactite as it heeded
the call of gravity. (Discovery Channel News)
BulletProof?
March 2001, Ghana | Tribal clashes in Northern Ghana cause some
to resort to witchcraft in the hope of becoming invulnerable to
weapons. Sixteen men purchased a potion that would supposedly
render them invincible to bullets. After smearing the magical
lotion over their bodies, one brave man volunteered to test the
spell by standing in a clearing while his compatriots fired upon
him... The jujuman who had supplied the defective magic was seized
and beaten for his failure. (Reuters, New Zealand Press)
SNOWBALL'S
CHANCE IN HELL
March, Delaware | Two toll collectors involved in a friendly snowball
fight decided the match, when one reached out and scooped somesnow
from a passing truck. The toll collector's hand caught in the
rig, and he was pulled from his booth and dragged to his death.
(USA Today)
INTERSECTING
DARWINS
15 April 2001, Tennessee | A Memphis Darwin Award winner trying
to beat a train drove around the crossing gates -- only to be
struck by an oncoming vehicle whose driver had the same mad plan.
The occupants of one vehicle were killed, and the others injured,
making this monumental stupidity the first instance of a Darwin
Award winner crashing into an At-Risk Survivor. The accident
happened to one side of the tracks, so the train passed by unimpeded.
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