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DISQUALIFIED Darwin Award
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The following story has been reclassified as a Darwin Award, and is no longer considered an Darwin Award. It will be moved to the appropriate section soon. |
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You Said a Mouthful
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(18 May 2001, Illinois) A Chicago woman took revenge into her own hands quite successfully, when she bit off the testicles of her rapist during the attack. The 21-year-old man should have known better than to accost a woman twice his age and ferocity. When he dropped his trousers and forced her down, she seized her opportunity and severed his gonads, rendered him permanently sterile to the satisfaction of all.
The woman walked to police headquarters a block away and turned the testicles over to police. Shortly thereafter a man with a matching injury appeared at the Michael Reese Medical Center. Police put two and two together and cordoned off the injured man's hospital room, while doctors attempted, unsuccessfully, to reattach the rapist's genitals. A hospital spokesperson confirms that our Darwin Award winner is now sterile. Another way out of the gene pool! Comment from Heather: "I sent you an e-mail to tell you that this Darwin Award is in fact true. Here's an update on the saga. The man who lost his testicles is now saying the woman was a prostitute who was angry because he couldn't pay for the blow-job. The woman does have convictions for prostitution and sexual assault on her record. It gets even better. On top of all of this she also has AIDS and has in fact now given it this guy. You can check source at Chicago Sun-Times, Metro Section, Aug.31, 2001." DISQUALIFIED 31 January 2006: Reader Joseph Smith said, "You Said a Mouthful" should not be a Darwin Award, because there is no stupidity. Rape is a crime of hate, need for control, or other personal issues. It has never been considered stupidity. As disturbing as ripping off sex organs with the mouth is, this rare sterilization was never really destined to be a Darwin Award. Too bad." Reader Ben Holland said, "This story (might) violate two of the Darwin Award rules. 1. The victim must be the cause of his own demise. But the 'victim' was not the cause, the woman he was raping was the cause. 2. The victim must show an astounding misapplication of common sense. But there are thousands of rapists in today's world. Therefore, one can conclude that raping is not an 'astounding misapplication of common sense.' I personally found the story quite hilarious, though." Darwin replies, "To be clear on the rules, the victim WAS the cause of his own removal from the gene pool, by placing his testicles in the mouth of a justly furious woman. Another example would be a person who secretly lies beneath a car. The driver runs over her, but she is still the cause of her own demise for putting himself beneath the car. However, on the astounding misapplication of common sense, I agree with you. This story is sensational merely for its "poetic justice" and I've long felt it didn't belong on the Darwin Awards website. Today I received two emails contesting it, so out it goes!"
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