DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER -- 1 October 2001 Note from Webmaster Wendy: "I'm getting my feet wet writing Darwins again. For awhile nothing seemed funny. It may be too soon for some of you to smile... but the website poll over the last days has been running 86% in favor of resuming, so for those who are ready to read them, here are October�s Darwin Awards. I wish you all the very best." DONATE TO RED CROSS for the 911 Tragedy: PAYPAL http://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=p/gen/relief-outside YAHOO! http://paydirect.yahoo.com/PD/onePage/onePageRedCrossMoney-drv.pd AMAZON http://s1.amazon.com/exec/varzea/paypage/PKAXFNQH7EKCX ------------------------------------------------------------ Darwin Awards: Unnatural Selection --------------------------------------------------------------- THINK BEFORE YOU LEAP -- Darwin Award Nominee (21 July 2001, Idaho) When his brakes failed while driving down a steep mountain road, Marco bailed out on his eight passengers and leapt from his Dodge van. Too bad Marco didn't alert the other occupants to the problem before he took flight so precipitously. Another passenger was able to bring the vehicle to a stop a short distance away. Marco struck his head on the pavement and died at the scene. No one else was injured. Reference: South Idaho Press --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+++ PAROLE CALLING CARD � Honorable Mention (9 August 2001, South Africa) A careless thief left behind the most incriminating of evidence -- his parole card, left in a pair of jeans he discarded after changing into stolen clothes. He made off with jewelery, cutlery, and electronics, but was quickly apprehended using the information provided by the parole card. Fingerprints found at the scene of the crime matched those on the card, and he was charged with home robbery. Reference: South Africa Independent Online News --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ FIREBUG -- 2001 Personal Account I was 15 in the summer of 1994, and I needed to mow the lawn. As I walked into the garage on a mission to refuel the lawnmower, I was diverted by the sight of ants streaming everywhere. I couldn't find any bug spray, but I did find the gas can for the lawnmower. Gasoline would kill the ants! I began to pour fuel on the ants. My extermination plan was working well, but the process was kind of boring. I thought to myself, "Fire is exciting... and the garage floor is concrete, so I won't hurt anything..." So there I was lighting my ant-killing gas puddles, selecting bigger and bigger ones each time. Suddenly I noticed that the gasoline can was on fire! I tried to kick it out of the garage, but instead it landed in the corner where Mom kept wooden poles for the garden. They went up in a flash. I grabbed the burning gasoline can and tossed it in the driveway � where the lawnmower stood waiting for me to stop killing ants and remember my chore. The lawnmower caught fire, so I shoved it down the driveway to keep it from exploding near me. By the time it blew up across the street, the fire had spread in the garage. I was calling 911 when I heard a loud BOOM! Evidently there had been a propane tank by the late tomato poles. It certainly wasn't here anymore, if you know what I mean! I hung up the phone and grabbed the garden hose, and began fighting the flames. The fire department finally arrived and controlled the blaze. I had caused $15,000 in damage to the house and garage, and suffered second degree burns on my legs and the hand I used to grab the burning gasoline can. I'm still alive by divine miracle, and not ONCE since then have I started a conflagration. I earned the nickname Firebug, and the ants never came back. --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ More DARWIN AWARDS: COKE IS IT! http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2001-25.html?0110 SPEED BUMP http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2001-28.html?0110 JET SKI SPREE http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2001-26.html?0110 HIPPO HOP http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2001-22.html?0110 --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Copyright 2001 by Wendy Northcutt www.DarwinAwards.com * Please share this newsletter with your friends! * --- DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER -- 18 October 2001 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHAT ARE THE DARWIN AWARDS? Darwin Awards celebrate Charles Darwin's theory of evolution by commemorating the remains of those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid "accidents." IN THIS NEWSLETTER ISSUE: -- Darwin Award: Path of Least Resistance -- Honorable Mention: Phenomenal Failure -- Honorable Mention: Parole Calling Card WELCOME TO 152,856 newsletter subscribers! Haiku from the Philosophy Forum: Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity Kills absolutely. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE Darwin Award Nominee, Unconfirmed 2001, California | A MAN whose parked car began to roll into a reservoir near Fresno leapt in front of it and tried to physically prevent it from seeking lower ground. But this was not a case of an irresistible force (the car) meeting an immovable object (the man). Instead of stopping, the car rolled over its owner, pinning him beneath the water and drowning him. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "The Palindrome Year" Win a 2002 Darwin Awards Calendar! http://www.darwinawards.com/misc/free.calendar.html?0110 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PHENOMENAL FAILURE 2001 Honorable Mention, Unconfirmed February 2001, Michigan | A 28-YEAR-OLD demolition worker attempted to commit suicide by washing down nitroglycerine pills with vodka. Normally suicide is not worthy of an Honorable Mention, but this man's failure was exceptional. After swallowing the pills, he tried to explode the nitroglycerine by repeatedly ramming himself into a wall. He was treated for bruises and released from the hospital... with counselling. Reference: Detroit Times +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Darwin Awards on Audio Cassette and CD. Win a copy! http://www.darwinawards.com/misc/free.audio.html?0110 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PAROLE CALLING CARD Honorable Mention, Unconfirmed August 2001, South Africa | A CARELESS thief left behind the most incriminating of evidence -- his parole card -- in a pair of jeans he discarded after changing into stolen clothes. He made off with jewelery, cutlery, and electronics, but was quickly apprehended using the information provided by the parole card. Fingerprints found at the scene of the crime matched those on the card, and he was jailed for the botched home robbery. Reference: South Africa Independent Online News +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ MORE NEW STORIES at http://www.DarwinAwards.com/?0110 -- Twice the Pain -- Student Film Folly -- Hippo Hop -- Coke Is It! -- Speed Bump -- Think Before You Leap -- Jet Ski Spree -- Firebug * Please share this newsletter with your friends! * Copyright 2001 www.DarwinAwards.com Regards, Wendy ---