Darwin Awards Newsletter -- 4 October 2000 Subscribe to the Darwin Awards! subscribe@darwinawards.com +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHAT ARE THE DARWIN AWARDS? Darwin Awards celebrate Charles Darwin's theory of evolution by commemorating the remains of individuals who contribute to the improvement of our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways. IN THIS NEWSLETTER ISSUE: -- Darwin Award: PERILOUS POSE -- Honorable Mention: ALL ABOARD! -- Personal Account: FAST FOOD FEMMES Would you rather read the Darwin Awards on the train or in the bathroom? Buy our book! Find out why John F. Kennedy Jr. didn't win a Darwin Award for his deadly piloting error. Learn which came first, the chicken or the egg, and why. 185 stories and 327 pages of humor and philosophy! http://www.DarwinAwards.com/book/?0010 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PERILOUS POSE Unconfirmed Darwin Award (Germany) The picturesque medieval city of Rothenburg was recently the scene of a dramatic artistic effort. A 53-year-old man from Baden-Wuetemberg was posing nude in front of his camera, balanced atop the stone wall, when he lost his balance and fell 16 feet to the ground below. Unlike its erstwhile owner, the camera was still safely settled on the tripod on the wall, and police plan to develop the film for clues to the man's death. Darwin anticipates that they will find none, and this story will stand as a testament to the self-pruning nature of the tree of life. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Vote! http://www.DarwinAwards.com/?0010 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FAST FOOD FEMMES Unconfirmed Personal Account) (September 2000) The felonious antics of two fast-food managers ended tragically when their cover-up plan failed. Lisa, a 22-year-old night manager, and Lori, a 34 year-old day manager, believed they could steal over $4000 from the restaurant by staging an elaborate robbery and arson. Their plan included a convenient "rescue" by the local fire department. After closing up on Sunday night, Lisa sent everyone home at just past midnight. Lori then sneaked into the store, bound Lisa hand and foot, closed her in the walk-in freezer, and set a fire in the office. The fire was intended to draw an immediate response from firemen who would effect Lisa's "fortuitous" rescue. At 6am the next morning, employees opening the restaurant were confronted with a slow-burning smolder that had never erupted into the desired blaze. The sudden inrush of fresh oxygen changed that, however, and firemen were immediately summoned to combat the conflagration. As they searched through the ruin they found Lisa alive but unconscious in the freezer. She was rushed to the hospital suffering from hypothermia, and died later that afternoon. Police were suspicious of an inside job when they determined that Lisa's body showed no signs of forced restraint, and that she could have easily freed herself from her bindings and then escaped from the unlocked cooler. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Subscribe! subscribe@darwinawards.com +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ALL ABOARD! (an honorable mention) (17 September 2000, Queensland, Australia) Six young men and women with no sailing experience were rescued from an stolen luxury yacht after drifting into a pier only 400 meters from its mooring. They had intended to sail around the world, and had packed all the essentials; 60 cans of baked beans, 1000 condoms, some liquor and cola and a library book on navigating by the stars. Lucky for them they were caught, as police report that "they had no fresh water and no food other than baked beans." The would-be sailors have been charged with unlawful use of a vessel. We can all be glad that at least with 1000 condoms, they weren't planning to breed. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ READ MORE NEW STORIES! LIPOSUCTION TRAGEDY http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1999-60.html?0010 HORNET CHALLENGE http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-43.html?0010 PASSIONATE PLUNGE http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-42.html?0010 EXCELLENT ADVENTURE http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2000-34.html?0010 COORS LIGHT AND THE ULTRA LIGHT http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2000-20.html?0010 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Copyright 2000 www.DarwinAwards.com ---