....................................... Darwin Awards Newsletter May 1999 ....................................... UP IN SMOKE FATAL FOOTSIE SEX AND SUFFOCATION KLUTZY CROOK IN THIS ISSUE: Read a cautionary tale about playing with matches, learn one bar game you'll never be drunk enough to play, find out what happened behind closed garage doors, and scoff at a bungling criminal. ART CONTEST! Enter to win a free Darwin Awards T-shirt printed with your favorite award. Send your 468x60 pixel entries by May 31, 1999, for judging by popular vote in June. Show your stuff! Details on our website. ....................................... Darwin Awards Newsletter May 1999 ....................................... UP IN SMOKE Darwin Award Nominee (5 March 1999, England) Christopher Piper arrived at his Fleet, Hampshire home on Friday night with a case of beer. "He drank a quantity of the beer," his wife Jaqueline, said, "and then started smoking." Was he suicidal or simply stupid? His drinking binge progressed. At some stage of inebriation, Jaqueline observed him clumsily attempting to fill his butane lighter, spilling the flammable liquid on his jumper. She warned him that he was being silly, and she didn't mean amusing. He paid her little heed. The 35-year-old man flicked his lighter experimentally, then gave in to his pyromaniac tendencies, and began trying to burn his trousers. As a side effect, he set his fuel-soaked jumper ablaze, turning into a fireball in his own living room! If you should be so unfortunate as to find yourself ablaze, remember to drop and roll to suffocate the flames. Christopher did not drop and roll. He flailed in terror and dove from the window into the street, setting fire to curtains and a BMW parked nearby as he attempted to beat out the flames with his hands. His efforts added more oxygen to the combustion, and the flames grew higher. A neighbor mistook the blaze for a bonfire, but quickly realized that it was a burning man. He rushed from his home and attempted to suffocate the fire with bath towels, to no avail. The fuel-fed fire was so hot that it burnt virtually every inch of Christopher's body, save for the soles of his feet. He died shortly after arriving at Frimley Park Hospital in Surrey. The verdict at the Hampshire inquest was accidental death. Thanks to I.Sims and M.Ash www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 ....................................... Darwin Awards Newsletter May 1999 ....................................... FATAL FOOTSIE Darwin Award Nominees (22 March 1999, Phnom Penh) Decades of armed strife has littered Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices. Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror. Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the bar. "Their wives could not even find their flesh because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper reported. Thanks to E.Coakley, M.Talbot, A.Pawson, J.Keiser and numerous other readers who submitted this story. www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 ....................................... Darwin Awards Newsletter May 1999 ....................................... SEX AND SUFFOCATION Darwin Award Nominees (21 March 1999, Bucharest) First division Romanian soccer midfielder Mario Bugeanu, 24, and Mirela Iancu, 23, couldn't wait to make love on Sunday. As soon as the car was parked, they consummated their passion. They died from carbon monoxide poisoning shortly thereafter, inside the vehicle they left running in the garage during their liaison. The couple was discovered by Mario's father Monday morning. "They appeared to be unaware of the dangers of carbon monoxide," police colonel Dumitru Secrieru said. www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 ....................................... Darwin Awards Newsletter May 1999 ....................................... KLUTZY CROOK Honorable Mention (February 1998) ATM's have become a popular target for thieves. The law of averages demands that some attempts end unsuccessfully. Our hero started out like most: He knew that in order to win the prize, he needed to get at the back of the machine. He pried it away from the wall with difficulty. As soon as he had enough clearance, he wriggled behind and started working on removing the rear panel. At this point, the watchful reader will have noticed a few problems with his logic. 1. He has completely ignored the video camera. 2. A silent alarm is triggered if the machine is moved. Furthermore, the ATM in question is three minutes away from a police station. As the sirens neared, our novice criminal decided to hide. When the police arrived, they saw that the machine had been tampered with, and assumed that the thief had fled. They secured the area and called in a forensics team. The forensics team was dusting for fingerprints when a very loud ACHOOO! from behind the ATM. In summary, the klutzy crook was videotaped, left fingerprints, *and* he hid behind the ATM. Thanks to S.Barr www.DarwinAwards.com © 1999 ....................................... Darwin Awards Newsletter May 1999 .......................................